Music is my Therapy

Song: A Little Bit of Christmas  Artist: Mat and Savanna Shaw feat. Jim Brickman WARNING: Keepin' things very real today. You have been warned...you may want to just skip to the song if you have a weak stomach: I have felt AWFUL all day long! I think I may have had a little food poisoning because I actually threw up and it was the most unpleasant, awful experience. 😰 If I sound dramatic about it, that's because I haven't vomited in over TEN YEARS. Yeah. It was terrible to say the least - sorry for the TMI. But I have been feeling nauseous and sick all freaking day long and it's SUCKED!  I mean, I guess I did get to watch a lot of Christmas movies but it was hard to fully enjoy them because my body was in so much pain and I wanted to hurl the majority of the day - even though there was literally nothing in my body to bring up because I couldn't eat all day long.  I was awaken around 2:30 in the morning by nausea and stomach pains and didn't get back to ...

Song: The Prayer Artist: Pentatonix Whew. Last night and most of my morning was a doozy! I was in so much pain! I don't know what's going on with my body but this is the third time I have experienced intense body pains that last hours on end and then eventually just stop and go away. I was really hoping I could fall asleep last night and let the pain run it's course, but it became so intense that I had to go wake my poor parents up at 3 in morning and ask for a Priesthood blessing from my dad. I felt bad doing that but it was the only thing that helped me! After my blessing the pains did begin to ease and I was able to get some rest. I'm still not feeling 100% but at least it's not debilitating anymore and I can get up and move around.  I've received many Priesthood blessings over the past few months. They have been life savers and miracle workers for me. I am so grateful that I have a father who is worthy and holds this sacred power that I can ask for a bless...

Song: Standing Outside the Fire Artist: Garth Brooks My current ANTHEM! As of, right now, this very day, this very minute! It's been a rough week for me... my whole family has come down with COVID (I mean, we're still waiting on test results but the symptoms are pretty accurate). As for myself, I haven't shown many symptoms except for a cough (but it's not severe, it could just as easily be a common cold), an off-and-on sore throat and the occasional headache. I hope to get tested on Saturday. I've been stressed and paranoid ( again !) because of my dog and his age. I'm doing the very best that I can and letting the Lord do the rest. I have to just trust in my Lord and Savior and that He has everything under control. It's all in His hands now. OK, the worrying-venting-complaining portion of this post is DONE.  Moving on... I heard this song back in June while riding in the car with my country music lovin' brother-in-law and sister 🤠 We were taking a ...

I've been feeling extremely self-conscious about my body lately. I went back and found a post I wrote in May of 2014. I was working on losing weight then too. Let's see how I did these past 5 years..... 2014 Chest:  31.5 inches Bust:  38 inches Waist:  31 inches Midway:  26 inches Thighs:  22.5 Knee:  16 inches Hips:  39 inches Right Arm (upper, above the elbow):  12 inches Right Arm (lower, below the elbow):  10 inches Left Arm (upper, above the elbow):  12 inches Left Arm (lower, below the elbow):  10 inches Wrist (L&R):  6.5 inches Stats: Height:  5'7" Current Weight:  158 pounds Goal Weight:  Somewhere in the 130's Body Fat:  25.73% - which apparently is considered  "Acceptable" Pounds of Body Fat:  41.08 pounds 2018 Chest:  33 inches Bust:  39 inches Waist:  32 inches Midway:  39 inches Thighs:  24 in...

Song: Heavy (Clean) Artist: Linkin Park feat. Kiiara   This song perfectly describes me. I carry around way too many negative and stressful thoughts. I over analyze and dissect them so intensely they consume all of the space in my head. Until they're all I can think about and focus on .... or rather they stop me from focusing on more positive, realistic thoughts. I love the line that goes: "And I drive myself crazy thinking everything's about me." If I weren't so self-centered all of the time, if I didn't always obsessively worry about what people thought of me maybe I wouldn't be so paranoid and depressed and anxious all of the time.       I don't like my mind right now Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary Wish that I could slow things down I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic And I drive myself crazy Thinking everything's about me Yeah I drive myself crazy Cause I can't escap...

Song: Unwell Artist: Matchbox 20   I've been focusing on my issues .... again. Life seems so hard and so unfair sometimes. A lot of the times for me. I need to change my attitude. Sometimes I really do believe I'm crazy. I believe I'm so far gone that I will never be able to stand on my own two feet and live a normal, happy, successful life. I was thinking about friendship the other day. I started panicking just thinking about being in a social situation. What would I say? I would probably sound all awkward and stupid. I'm not smart and I don't lead an interesting or exciting life. People will think I'm weird. The idea of going out on date make me want to hyperventilate and that breaks my heart. I really want a romantic relationship. I look around and see people 5-6 years younger than me holding hands and kissing and being happy in intimate relationships. I've never been there before. I fear people thinking I'm weird and won't ever want to tak...

Song: Words Fail Artist: From, Dear Evan Hansen   I have to leave again. This time, it's mentally. I need to start helping myself. I need to stop wasting my time here. I need to stop pretending there's anyone out there who actually reads my blog. I need to stop hoping that there's someone who can relate to me. I need to give up distractions. Don't get me wrong, I love my blog! I love blogging about music. And right now, I'm only planning on taking a week long break. I just need to detox. I need time to meditate. I need to start trying. Trying to get help. Trying to overcome. Trying to move forward.   I'm done. I'm done repeating the same mistakes day after day, month after month, year after year. I'm done just saying things are going to change. That things are going to be different, better. I'm ready to actually make that happen. Make the change. Because words, well, words fail. That's all they are: just .... words. Words re...

Song: Waving Through A Window Artist: From, Dear Evan Hansen   I'M BACK!! Looks like I took a little bit longer of a break than I originally planned .... but my vacation was actually extended by a day and then I took the weekend off just to relax with my family while we were all together. I had an AMAZING vacation at the happiest place on earth: DISNEYLAND!! It was truly magical! I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to go and be with my family for probably the last time :( That makes me sad to think about. But everything is changing and everyone is growing up so .... anyway, it's been really, really hard getting back to real life. I'm really sad to be back. I didn't want it to end, I want to go back!! #majordisneylandwithdrawls   My sister introduced me to this brilliant song while on our trip. Needless to say, I'm OBSESSED! Not only because it's a great song but this is one of the the most relateable songs I have ever heard. New theme song o...

This is happening!       I started yesterday (June 15th) and will go until July 14th with the "Squats Challenge" (picture #1) and until July 24th for the "Plank Challenge" (picture #2). The plank challenge is longer because I added "rest days" to it since they didn't have any included. I just put the same rest days that the "Squat Challenge" has.   I feel like this is very do-able for me and I'm excited!! 2 days down so far! I really want to complete this. I've never been very good at following through all the way on things like this but I am DETERMINED to do this! I wish I had started it earlier but I can't look behind, I must keep looking forward!   Wish me luck!

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be!     Eating healthy is SO HARD! And the only exercise I've been doing is taking my dog on walks. Granted, they are usually 30-60 minutes long. But still, I could do a little more. This is pretty much my logic when it comes to eating better.   This is how I feel (and basically what I do ) every time I try to eat healthy!   Monday and Tuesday I totally blew it!! Like BIG time! I ate and I was lazy and then I ate some MORE! I really like to eat. Obviously. And I'm addicted to things that require little to absolutely NO movement at all (i.e. sleep, reading, blogging, youtube-ing)   Wednesday I started a few aerobic type exercises along with my walks. 30 jumping jacks, 15 sit-ups, 30 side-touches, 1 minute of bicycle kicks, 10 girl push-ups, 30 squats and 10 lunges. I ate pretty well for the most part too.   Thursday was pretty much the same as Wednesday UNTIL t...

STATS: Current Weight: 155 Goal Weight (after the dietbet): 148   To lose 4% of my weight I need to lose about 7 pounds.   Currently listening to Hannah & Olivia's Double DietBet Kickoff!! Sooooo inspiring! LOVE these girls so much!   Feeling so inspired and READY to DO THIS!!   I haven't done that great today with my food but tomorrow I plan on walking on the treadmill for 30-45 minutes and eating a healthy breakfast (oatmeal or eggs). I also plan on doing a few aerobic type exercises like jumping jacks, sit-ups, squats, etc. before my walk.   WISH ME LUCK!!!    

I WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!!   I am so sick of feeling this way!! I feel like crap. I feel useless. I feel pathetic. ALL. OF. THE. TIME! I keep eating away my feelings so I keep gaining weight and then feeling worse and worse!! I'm constantly comparing myself to others and I get so discouraged about how I look and then I just EAT MORE!! This HAS to STOP!! I can't keep doing this to myself! I want to be HAPPY! Because right now, I'm most definitely NOT happy.   Sorry about the rant. It just needed to happen.   I'm not officially joining this Dietbet challenge but I am definitely planning on trying to accomplish the goal.     Here's the link to the Dietbet official page. http://www.dietbetter.com/games/50530     Even though I'm not putting money on this, I'm determined to do it! The goal is to lose 4% of your body weight by Thanksgiving. The challenge begins * Sunday, S...

Man oh man!   Friday night I totally  BLEW my healthy-eating streak :( And the rest of the weekend was kind of the same way. Pizza, cupcakes, popcorn, cookies, sushi....embarrassing!! And I was doing SO WELL! But today is a fresh start and I started my day with a big bowl of oatmeal! I added a little less than 1/2 cup of loose (not tightly packed) brown sugar which proved to be WAY too much and WAY too sweet! Next time I'll do about a tablespoon. But it tasted pretty good and was healthier than the pre-packaged stuff so I'm ok with that. I took my dog on about a 30 minute walk and now I'm going to work on cleaning my room! It's a mess! I'll check in later!   STAY STRONG!!

*This is going to be a health related post*   So I've been doing really well these past three days with my food. I've been eating healthier foods and smaller portions. I have also been trying to drink lots of water. I actually downloaded a FREE weight-loss plan, here . I'm really serious about losing this extra weight, especially my excess fat. Nutrition and eating right is actually more important than exercise (but I do want to exercise more too). I'm definitely not one of those super freak health-nuts. But I am trying to control my cravings, resist temptations and eat healthier. It's been hard but worth it. I am proud of myself. Food is definitely one of my weaknesses. And it's even harder when I really love to cook and bake!   So I took some notes about myself and my body yesterday and here are my results:   Measurements:   * Click here if you want to use the same thing I did to get these measurements. A pretty helpful...

Doing something a little different today! Posting a recipe :) I LOVE to bake and cook and lately I've been working on this talent of mine. Last week I made some granola bars (a recipe from one of my favorite television programs, The Pioneer Woman ) and they turned out really yummy! They're a little dry and crumbly but that makes them great to put on yogurt or with your cereal. The taste reminds me of the Oats & Honey Nature Valley Bars . I also adjusted the recipe a bit to make them healthier. I'm not saying these things are totally healthy but they're probably MUCH better for you than the store bought granola bars. Plus you know exactly what's going in them! This is a fairly easy recipe and I had most of the ingredients on hand!   Ingredients: 6 cups Rolled Oats (not Quick Oats) - I used Old Fashioned Oats 4 Tablespoons Butter, melted, plus more for greasing - I used Coconut Oil 1/4 cups Vegetable or Canola Oil 1 teaspoon Salt 1 cup Brown Sugar ...

I exercised today! I walked/jogged (mostly walked) on the treadmill for about 45 minutes! I was pretty exhausted by the time I was finished but I'm just proud that I actually DID something. My eating choices have been pretty decent too. For my pre-work out breakfast I had two poached eggs (they didn't turn out perfectly but much better than the last time I tried making them) with tomatoes and green peppers, a little bit of salt and pepper and hot sauce :) Then for my post-work out snack I had a strawberry-banana smoothie. 1 cup ice, 1 cup strawberries, one small banana, 1 cup almond milk and one container of Yoplait strawberry yogurt. It was pretty tasty! I ran my hardest and fastest to the amazing song "Fired Up" by the amazing Hanson Brothers! I love these boys a little too much. But their music is what keeps me going. When I'm so tired I want to just quit, their music is what gives me the strength to finish strong. I ran through the WHOLE song and I was ju...