Music is my Therapy

Song: 22 Artist: Taylor Swift   HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY FIRST YOUNGER SIBLING AND BROTHER!!   He is turning 22 today, hence the song :) I can't believe my younger brother is 22!! I can remember when I turned 22 ....almost 3 years ago!! :O!!!! Oi. I'm old :( My brother is truly one of the funniest people I know, I wish I had his quick wit. I'm grateful for the memories that I have of me and my brother over the years. We are very similar in many ways, and I'm grateful to have someone close I can relate to. My brother isn't necessarily a "party-animal" by any means, he's smart and laid back and likes to play long, complicated, strategic board and card games or video games, but I couldn't resist using this song for his birthday shout-out :) Please don't hate me!! He is not a fan of T-Swift.     It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters And make fun of our exes, uh uh, uh uh. It feels like a

Song: I'm Not That Girl Artist: From, Wicked   Today I had a disheartening experience. Or at least, was fully and forcefully hit with the reality of my life. I'm not that girl. I'm not that person I pretend I am in my head. I'm not that fun, confident, bubbly, cool, funny, beautiful, skinny, patient, loveable person that I imagine and wish I was. No matter how many times I go over an actual event or conversation that I've had, re-enacting it to make it  better than it really was, doesn't change anything. No matter how many completley made up, perfect conversations I have with people, those aren't real and those aren't me. And no matter how many made up "boyfriend" and "prince charmings" you imagine meeting and falling in love with and them desperatley in love with you, in the most perfect and adorable way possible, those aren't real and never will be until you change something. I'm not confident. I'm not funny. I

Song: Big Girls Cry Artist: Sia   I'm back! Did anyone miss me? Probably not. I was originally planning on just not posting again until well, until whenever I felt like I really wanted to. But then I remembered my goal I set at the beginning of the year and started to feel guilty and that I still wanted to do it. Even though my week off was awesome and so worth it! It inspired me to start getting back into things that I love doing and I have been feeling so much happier and healthier lately so it was totally worth it!   Today's song is another "me" song. I just really hard-core relate. To me, this song is about feeling lonely and being vulnerable. I will also admit that the first time I saw the music video I thought it was really weird, but the more I've watched it the more I totally get it and actually like, love it. It's basically a representation of what anxiety looks and feels like on the inside. The metaphor of putting make up on is

Song: Words Fail Artist: From, Dear Evan Hansen   I have to leave again. This time, it's mentally. I need to start helping myself. I need to stop wasting my time here. I need to stop pretending there's anyone out there who actually reads my blog. I need to stop hoping that there's someone who can relate to me. I need to give up distractions. Don't get me wrong, I love my blog! I love blogging about music. And right now, I'm only planning on taking a week long break. I just need to detox. I need time to meditate. I need to start trying. Trying to get help. Trying to overcome. Trying to move forward.   I'm done. I'm done repeating the same mistakes day after day, month after month, year after year. I'm done just saying things are going to change. That things are going to be different, better. I'm ready to actually make that happen. Make the change. Because words, well, words fail. That's all they are: just .... words. Words re

Song: Boulevard Of Broken Dreams (Clean Version) Artist: Green Day   HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!   I chose this song today mainly because of the name of the artist: " Green " Day and green is the official color of St. Patrick's Day , hahaha. Cheesy I know, but the song also goes along perfectly with my recent posts about songs involving social anxiety and depression. I didn't mean to be such a downer this week but that's just the way life has been for me. I love songs that express my feelings. And lately , Waving Through A Window , Mirror , For Forever and Boulevard of Broken Dreams are speaking to my soul. But today is a holiday so that's why I had to find some kind of way and make a green reference. I miss my old job (of being a nanny). I was always planning parties and food and activities for the kids I was watching. I can't do that anymore :(     I walk a lonel

Song: For Forever Artist: From, Dear Evan Hansen   I am completely obsessed with the music from  Dear Evan Hansen ! I truly hope I have the opportunity to see it one day. It's all so me. I wish this had been around when I was a senior in high school. The song I have chosen for today is a fabricated story Evan Hansen tells about spending a day with a "friend" he never actually had. This song is beautiful! And it relates to me because, well, I'm going to be very honest and vulnerable here so bear with me, I kind of tend to live in my head. I tend to make up stories of living a different life where I have friends and I'm cool and confident and skinny and beautiful and happy. I've come to rely on these made up stories. I can't go a day without thinking about them. If I sound a little crazy right now, trust me, I've thought that too. In fact, just the other night I was thinking about all of this and started panicking wondering if I am indeed i

Song: Mirror Artist: Lil' Wayne feat. Bruno Mars   I don't listen to a lot of rap music but I really like this song. I like the lyrics. I like the overall message of trying to understand yourself. About trying to really see yourself and who you are. How your life experiences have shaped you and made you the person that you are today. That know one really knows you the way you know you. That sometimes, you're the only one who's been there for you. But most of all, and if I'm being real here, it's because of this part: " I see the change, I see the message. And no message could've been any clearer so I'm startin' with the man in the...mirror on the wall...MJ taught me that." MJ FOREVER! Favorite Michael song referenced. I approve this message ;)   *WARNING* I couldn't find a clean version of this song with the youtube link .... please MUTE the song in the third verse that begins: " Looking at

HAPPY 34TH BIRTHDAY TAYLOR HANSON!!!   Tay.......you're aging on us! Hahaha, but in all seriousness I love Taylor. He is truly such an incredible human being as well as a phenomenal and talented musician. I have so much love and respect for him and his brothers. I have always loved and admired Taylor's passion for music and what a confident performer he is. I love watching Taylor perform live (so far I've only had the opportunity to see him live via a computer screen but someday, mark my words, I will be there in person!). Taylor is someone who really cares about what he does. He cares about making good, quality music. He cares about people, especially his fans. Ugh, he's perfect!! ;) Taylor is just sweet and precious and passionate and talented and funny and a genuinely down to earth, humble  good person .    This is Hnet 's " Weekly Picture " just look how young they all are!! Is this not the most

Song: Waving Through A Window Artist: From, Dear Evan Hansen   I'M BACK!! Looks like I took a little bit longer of a break than I originally planned .... but my vacation was actually extended by a day and then I took the weekend off just to relax with my family while we were all together. I had an AMAZING vacation at the happiest place on earth: DISNEYLAND!! It was truly magical! I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to go and be with my family for probably the last time :( That makes me sad to think about. But everything is changing and everyone is growing up so .... anyway, it's been really, really hard getting back to real life. I'm really sad to be back. I didn't want it to end, I want to go back!! #majordisneylandwithdrawls   My sister introduced me to this brilliant song while on our trip. Needless to say, I'm OBSESSED! Not only because it's a great song but this is one of the the most relateable songs I have ever heard. New theme song o

Song: Who's Johnny? Artist: El Debarge   An oldie but a goodie! This song is too fun! I've had it on repeat all day, haha. I don't know why I like it so much but I feel like this is a great song to welcome the weekend in with! Enjoy! And FYI: I am going out of town early tomorrow morning and so I have decided to take a week off my blog while I'm gone and not worry about trying to get internet access and post songs. So until then, have a great week and feel free to listen to my blogs 3 years worth of music!     There she goes and knows I'm dying When she says, "Who is Johnny? " Games with names that girl is playing All she says is "Who is Johnny? " I try to understand because I'm people too And playing games is part of human nature My heart's in overdrive It's great to be alive "Who's Johnny? " she said And smiled in her special way "Johnny" she said "You know I love you" &quo

Song: This Time Artist: Jonathan Rhys Meyers From, August Rush   This: "I've been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines, been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blind eyes." Those words are so me. This is such a beautiful song. From a really great movie. I've been listening to this a lot lately. I love when I relate so intimately and emotionally to a song. Whether it's just in the sound, the words or even just two sentences. I believe a good song is felt more than heard.     Tonight the sky above Reminds me of your love, Walking through wintertime, When the stars all shine The angel on the stairs Will tell you I was there Under the front porch light On the mystery night   I've been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blind eyes I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind Would the wind be at my back Could I get you off my mind This time  

Song: Underneath Artist: Hanson Throwing it back to the time I used to always post Hanson songs :) I've been really getting back into the "Hanson Mania" lately because I really want to go to Hanson Day this year! Ever since I first learned about it I've wanted to go. And this year marks the 20th anniversary of Middle of Nowhere aka MMMBop so it's sure to be insane! And I want to be a part of it! I really hope and pray I can make it happen! I've already been looking up hotels in Tulsa .... Anyway, I started singing this song today in the shower (TMI?). I know I've been out of the Hanson loop for a while since I couldn't remember all the words! In fact, I've been having a hard time remembering the words to a lot of their songs I used to have memorized by heart! I guess it's time I start playing my Hanson albums again while I work, clean, drive, cook, etc. Life. Is. Hard. I know, I know. All I seem to talk about