I'm Not That Girl

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Song: I'm Not That Girl
Artist: From, Wicked
 
Today I had a disheartening experience. Or at least, was fully and forcefully hit with the reality of my life. I'm not that girl. I'm not that person I pretend I am in my head. I'm not that fun, confident, bubbly, cool, funny, beautiful, skinny, patient, loveable person that I imagine and wish I was. No matter how many times I go over an actual event or conversation that I've had, re-enacting it to make it better than it really was, doesn't change anything. No matter how many completley made up, perfect conversations I have with people, those aren't real and those aren't me. And no matter how many made up "boyfriend" and "prince charmings" you imagine meeting and falling in love with and them desperatley in love with you, in the most perfect and adorable way possible, those aren't real and never will be until you change something. I'm not confident. I'm not funny. I'm not cool. I'm not that girl.
 
This song came to mind immediatley after today's reality check set in.
 
 
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

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