Music is my Therapy

Song: He Prepares A Way Artist: Angie Killian & Blake Gillette As always....I'm in need of a re-set. And Sundays always feel like a good day to do so. Heard this song performed at church today. It was beautiful. I need to get back to the basics. I need to read my scriptures and put more time and thought into my prayers. I need to exercise faith and follow the example of Jesus Christ and keep the covenants I have made with Him more fully and honestly. I need to trust in His word and promises. He led Lehi and Sariah  To the promised land He gave light to Jared’s brother With His outstretched hand He heard and answered Enos Shielded Samuel on the wall Freed Amulek and Alma When He made their prison fall He prepares a way When we follow Him I’ll walk with faith And trust His light within My star in the sky My compass, my guide He prepares a way For me He gave power and protection To Abinadi Nurtured Helaman’s two-thousand At their mothers’ side He lifted Alma’s burdens Aided Abish...

Song: Beautiful Lie Artist: Goo Goo Dolls I really....dislike myself.  I know that's dark and heavy way to start off today's post but I'm so extremely disappointed in who I am. From the way I look, think, act and a myriad of other reasons I just feel so incredibly ashamed. And trust me, it's deserved. I'm not being "too hard on myself." I'm actually a brat. I'm actually selfish and judgmental and prideful. Welp. I don't know why I wrote all of that just now. But, here we are.  This song came out clear back in February and I have yet to listen to it! So that's what we're going to do today! I have to be honest, the word LIE in the title is what made me pick this song because....I told a small lie the other day and it's been haunting me all week and made me sick with dread and anxiety all day yesterday and today. It really was pretty "innocent" but a lie is a lie and I don't know why I did it. It was fueled by anxiety ...

Song: Church Artist: Tom MacDonald & Brandon Hart feat. Nova Rockefellar  This clearly isn't a love song but it's an "expression" song. And I just don't have it in me to look up some lovey-dovey, sappy, sweet, romantic love song right now, not in the headspace I'm in. I've spent my weekend in isolation and self-pity. I've been doing things I'm ashamed of. I've resorted to bad habits and old, unhealthy coping mechanisms. I've given up.... again. It's so disheartening. I feel overwhelmed with shame and guilt.  This song really speaks to me. I know I don't totally relate to the lyrics, as they speak about struggles with alcoholism and drug addiction. But I have my own vices, my own "drugs" if you will that hold me captive. That I know are bad for me, yet I return to them time and time again. Because it makes me feel good,  at least for a little while. But then I'm left with the regret and depression of my actions. I...

Song: Fighter Artist: Tom MacDonald  HAPPY SELF - LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY TO MUAH ! ! 😊💪🥊💗 I had hoped to have changed enough from last Valentine's Day to now to be in a relationship or at the very least be going on a date....that clearly didn't happen. I'm pretty much exactly "in the same place, r unning in the same race same pace."  It's disappointing and believe me, I could go on a miles long rant about it. But I'm not going to. I'm going to just accept it and move forward in a spirit of "let's this try again!" Today, I'm going to focus on improving myself. Loving myself. 💗 Accepting myself and believing in myself. That's what this song is about. I loved and related to the message and decided that it's going to be my "self-love song" dedicated to ME this Valentine's Day! 💪💗 Let's keep fighting for another day and another year! 🥊 I deserve this!  Bottom of the ninth, up against the odds Ru...

Song: Numb Little Bug Artist: Em Beihold SO. I've decided that, since there are not 31 days in February (heck, there aren't even 30! And usually not even 29!) that my monthly "theme song" will be shared today. And I will probably continue to do this during the next few months where there are only thirty days . *Sigh.* I'm so old. 😭 Also, I'm  not  going to be posting as part of Lent, which begins on Wednesday, Valentine's Day! So this works out for the best, especially for this month. Enjoy another peek into my heart, mind and soul. She's not doing very well right now....😔💔\ I don't feel a single thing Have the pills done too much Haven't caught up with my friends in weeks And now we're outta touch I've been driving in L.A. And the world it feels too big Like a floating ball that's bound to break Snap my psyche like a twig And I just wanna see if you feel the same as me Do you ever get a little bit tired of life Like you'...

Song: Teardrops on My Guitar Artist: Taylor Swift It's Super Bowl Sunday! And the only reason I know or even care to mention it is because yes, like everyone else on the planet, I've been following the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce romance saga. I gotta say, I'm here for it! He's my favorite out of all of her "boyfriends" lol. Good looking, he's actually taller than her 👏👏 and he seems really sweet. I don't know much about him, I'm sure their political views are the in line 🤭 so they're probably perfect for each other! Hahaha, either way, I knew I needed to feature some Tay-Tay today because it's as much her day as it is his, lol. Wow. This girl is way too wildly famous when the Super Bowl revolves just as much around her as the sport itself, hahaha! I kinda love it. This is a MAJOR throwback song for me! The first T-Swift song I ever heard and I was obsessed with it! Every time I listen to it I'm a young 14 year old girl again, imagin...

Song(s): I Miss the Days & Like This Artist: NF I found out something today that sucked and depressed me so much. It is seriously messing with my confidence and self-esteem. I just realized someone I'm "employed" by....aka babysitting for is THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!! 😭😭😭 I can't even explain how humiliating this is. I never, ever wanted this to happen. I SWORE it never would! I want to quit. I feel so stupid and pathetic.  Another thing happened that made me feel so sad. It made me miss my old life. "Old life" meaning my life five to eight years ago. I wish I could go back. My dog would still be here. I'd have a job I loved and felt passionate about. My siblings would still be all together. I'd be happier. As of now I feel the worst I ever have. I feel so old. And so behind. I'll never catch up. I hate it here!!  I can't think of any "love songs" for today. I just have to be REAL and these are the songs that came to ...

Song: Bullet Artist: NF NF IS BACK BABY!! 👊 This song is so beautiful and sweet. He wrote it for his wife. It honestly makes me a little jealous when I listen to it because I want to know what it would be like to be loved that much by someone. 😓 That someone could see all the best and worst parts of me and still think I'm worth loving and perfect the way that I am. I truly, deep down, don't feel like that possible. And it sucks.  Look, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it You ever need me for any reason, let me know I got your back, I would die and kill for you Don't question that, you know it's true, don't pretend you don't Beautiful is what are you are, I know you doubt it daily Words would never be enough to describe the way we Both connected when you had our baby I'm proud of you, I can't believe it, it still fascinates me Watching us grow seems like yesterday we met Life is flying by, makes me Emotional, just talking 'bout it got a ...

Song: Crazy Little Thing Called Love Artist: Queen This song is a certified  BOP! And totally appropriate for "LOVE" month! 😍 This thing called love I just can't handle it This thing called love I must get 'round to it I ain't ready Crazy little thing called love This thing (this thing) called love (called love) It cries (like a baby) in a cradle all night It swings (ooh, ooh), it jives (ooh, ooh) It shakes all over like a jelly-fish I kinda like it Crazy little thing called love There goes my baby She knows how to rock-n-roll She drives me crazy She gives me hot and cold fever She leaves me in a cool, cool sweat I gotta be cool, relax, get hip And get on my tracks Take a back seat, hitch-hike And take a long ride on my motorbike Until I'm ready Crazy little thing called love Yeah I gotta be cool, relax, get hip And get on my tracks Take a back seat, hitch-hike (Ah hum, ah hum) And take a long ride on my motorbike Until I'm ready (Ready Freddie) Crazy l...

Song: Sweater Weather Artist: Pentatonix  It's Sweater Day according to my yearly Every Day's A Holiday 2024 calendar edition!! I've been celebrating/acknowledging every, single daily holiday this year and I love it! It may sound stupid and cheesy to most people but it's been the one thing that I've been consistent with and that has brought me joy in a year that didn't start out so hot. I'm proud of myself, lol.  So, in honor of today's "holiday" I wore a nice, big, cozy sweater which was perfect considering all of the SNOW we got the past couple of days (I thought we were suppose to have an early spring groundhog!! 😤🙄). If ever a song comes to mind that correlates with one of my holidays, I always have to look it up and give it a listen (something I've done a few times over the years and documented right here on my blog!*). Today, was no exception and I have decided to share it in honor of today's holiday and my "Love Song...

Song: I've Got You Babe Artist: Sonny & Cher, From Groundhog Day In honor of Groundhog Day 😁😆🤓 ( who did NOT see his shadow! It's an early spring y'all! 🌷🌹🌼) I had to watch the iconic Bill Murry film Groundhog Day and decided to go with the song that wakes him up every day for a year as he re-lives his Groundhog Day nightmare again and again and....again! They say we're young and we don't know Won't find out until we grow Well I don't know if all that's true 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you Babe I got you babe I got you babe They say our love won't pay the rent Before it's earned, our money's all been spent I guess that's so, we don't have a plot At least I'm sure of all the things we got Babe I got you babe I got you babe I've got flowers in the spring I've got you to wear my ring And when I'm sad, you're a clown And when I get scared, you're always around So let them say your hair's...

Hello to all of my make believe viewers! 👋🤭 This year's Month of Love Songs Challenge is going to be a little different. I may not post daily and I'm only posting up until Valentine's Day itself at the most since Lent begins on the 14th and I'll be logging off all of my social media platforms as part of that. Not that anyone knows about my blog and it's yearly, holiday challenges, regardless of the fact I've been doing them for the past NINE years! 🙄 So yeah. But I couldn't break tradition and had to kick things off with something because, well, I'm ME! And I love a good holiday/celebration! Song: Silly Love Songs Artist: Wings This song is ICONIC! I grew up listening to it and thought it was the perfect song to kick-off "Love Month" with 😊 You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs But I look around me And I see it isn't so Some people want to fill the world With silly love songs And what's wrong wi...

Song: When Will I Be Alright? Artist: Ed Sheeran  Oh, I've been up all night Thinking 'bout dying I've just been wasting time When will I be alright? God is not on my side But God knows I'm trying I need to redefine When will I be alright? Listen to my heart beating Why is there this empty feeling? Losing hope and all reason When will I be alright? I have lived half of life Constantly fighting Cheeks bruised and knuckles white When will I be alright? Hold my breath to stop breathing Love, I used to know the meaning I'd wake up if I was dreaming But when will I be alright? I saw, now I am blind To all the seasons I see a fading light When will I be alright? Listen to my heart beating Why is there this empty feeling? Losing hope and all reason When will I be alright? I tried my best to stop her leaving I wonder about the arms she's in This is it, the end is nearing When will I be alright? Ooh

Hanson's annual Back to the Island (BTTI) music retreat begins today. Another year I can't go. Another year of FOMO and regret. 💔😔 I was planning on doing my "own" BTTI from home. Like, watching old BTTI videos shared via youtube or Hanson.net, making a tropical smoothie, listening to "beachy" music, stuff like that. I haven't done anything like that yet, but I guess I still have time to start. I've had an extremely depressing week. My mental health is completely shot and I feel so angry and sad. I can't pull myself out of this hole of depression and I don't really want to. I don't have hope. And it's sad. I truly just don't believe my life will ever get better, that I will ever change. There's no hope left for me. I wasted all of my chances, it's too late. I hate myself and don't feel like I deserve happiness, hope, love, change. The thing that really hurts is the neglect from my family. They don't reach out. ...

Song: Dear Fear Artist: Mat & Savanna Shaw Wow. What a way to spend New Years Eve. I've been alone for the past two days straight, locked away in my room aka my depression, guzzling down junk food and spending waaaaay too much time looking at my screen. Both of my parents are sick and all of my other siblings have lives; friends, relationships, work, mission, family, etc. This is the way I'm ringing in the new year? Alone? Sick from eating so much chocolate? Seems fitting. I guess it's better than last year where I had to fifth wheel my parents and sister and her BF. Everyone kissing all around me as I stood there solitary and alone, my eyes glued to the TV watching other people kiss and celebrate.  I want to start the New Year right but I feel so disgusting, sad and lonely. I don't feel motivated or happy. I feel numb. I feel angry. And sad. And exhausted. If this is all my life will amount to, babysitting other peoples kids and being the leftover child, I don...

Song(s): At Christmas & Spending Christmas Together Artist(s): Hanson & Mat & Savanna Shaw MERRY CHRISTMAS 2023 ! ! ! 🎄🎅🤶🎁🍪🌟 I had such a sweet, fun, entertaining, memorable day (with the exception of snow 😫 No "white Christmas" for me this year 😔)! So grateful I got this last "somewhat normal" Christmas with my family before everything changes next year...things have been changing for a while now but still. Next year it's going to be another BIG change. And who knows how many more will occur along the way. Hopefully there will be a change for myself too. We shall see what the new year brings. I'm feeling a little sad ending this special day. Last night was so much fun as my non-married siblings gathered together in my bedroom and talked and laughed and listened to Christmas music by the light of my Christmas tree until midnight, Christmas day! I loved it so much!! 💓 I know how special that was and that it most likely will never ha...