Love Month Day 9

Song(s): I Miss the Days & Like This

Artist: NF

I found out something today that sucked and depressed me so much. It is seriously messing with my confidence and self-esteem. I just realized someone I'm "employed" by....aka babysitting for is THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!! 😭😭😭 I can't even explain how humiliating this is. I never, ever wanted this to happen. I SWORE it never would! I want to quit. I feel so stupid and pathetic. 

Another thing happened that made me feel so sad. It made me miss my old life. "Old life" meaning my life five to eight years ago. I wish I could go back. My dog would still be here. I'd have a job I loved and felt passionate about. My siblings would still be all together. I'd be happier. As of now I feel the worst I ever have. I feel so old. And so behind. I'll never catch up. I hate it here!! 

I can't think of any "love songs" for today. I just have to be REAL and these are the songs that came to mind. UGH!! I want to go back!!! "I miss the smiles we had when we were young. I miss the memories of feeling love. I miss us runnin' underneath the sun....I miss the smiles we had when we were kids, yeah. I feel like life was so much simpler then, yeah. When we had joy and we were innocent. I'd give it all to feel that way again, way again." 

I miss the days when I had a smile on my face and

Wasn't so caught up in all of the small things

Wasn't so adamant that I could handle everything alone

And wasn't so cautious and always exhausted

And actually listened to things that my heart said, heart said

Ridin' my bike, just ridin' my bike

Not overthinkin' my life

Not always wonderin' if I'm a likable person

Or someone that nobody likes

Not always stressed about money or losin' my job

Or scared I ain't makin' a flight

Not always goin' to bed every night

With this knot in my stomach that never unwinds

What happened to me? Yeah, what happened to me?

When did I start to believe I wasn't worth it

Then question my purpose to breathe?

Wonderin' who I should be

Happiness out of my reach

Scared to get back on my feet

Need to get rid of what's detrimental, but it's hard to let go

When the thing that hurts you help you get to your dreams

See, I miss the days when I wasn't so faded

Love wasn't always invasive, I could embrace it

Just innocent, waitin', not always livin' in anguish

When did I break and become overtaken?

What was the moment I caved and

Gave away all of my faith and made a replacement?

I miss the days when, I miss the days when—

I miss the smiles we had when we were young (Oh)

I miss the memories of feeling love (Oh)

I miss us runnin' underneath the sun (Oh)

Staring out the window when the rain would come (Oh)

I miss the smiles we had when we were kids, yeah (Oh)

I feel like life was so much simpler then, yeah (Oh)

When we had joy and we were innocent (Oh)

I'd give it all to feel that way again, way again

Give me my mind back, yeah

Give me my mind back

The one that told me I was worth somethin' when I fall flat

Yeah, fall flat

The one that told me I was worth somethin' when I'm off track

Back when my imagination wasn't in a cage and it was free to run fast

Yeah, give me my mind back

Yeah, give me my, give me my mind back

Before it was hijacked and wasn't described as

A place of limitation, always indicating I can't

Handle everything from my past

Handed anything it dissects 'til I'm depressed

I know I'm blessed, but I'm cursed too

Take me back when I was happy, but I wasn't actin'

Vulnerable but didn't see it like some kind of weakness

Or a thing that's unattractive

Had emotion, but I learned to mask it

Didn't know what I was runnin' after

Didn't know the older I would grow

The more I'd lose control and take in all the baggage

It's really sad when everything you thought was stable crashes

Everything you thought would take the sadness

Really only made it deeper, got me off the deep end askin'

Will we ever feel like we imagine?

Will we ever feel like we adapted?

Will we ever feel like we did back then?

Just take me back when, just take me back when

I miss the smiles we had when we were young (Oh)

I miss the memories of feeling love (Oh)

I miss us runnin' underneath the sun (Oh)

Staring out the window when the rain would come (Oh)

I miss the smiles we had when we were kids, yeah (Oh)

I feel like life was so much simpler then, yeah (Oh)

When we had joy and we were innocent (Oh)

I'd give it all to feel that way again, way again

Oh-oh-oh (Oh)

Oh-oh-oh (Way again)

Oh-oh-oh (Mm)

Oh-oh-oh (Way again, way again)

Yeah

Oh-oh-oh (Oh)

(Had when we were kids)

Oh-oh-oh (Oh)

(So much simpler then)

Oh-oh-oh (Oh)

(And we were innocent)

Oh-oh-oh (Oh)

Yeah

I miss the smiles we had when we were young (Oh)

I miss the memories of feeling love (Oh)

I miss us runnin' underneath the sun (Oh)

Staring out the window when the rain would come (Oh)

I miss the smiles we had when we were kids, yeah (Oh)

I feel like life was so much simpler then, yeah (Oh)

When we had joy and we were innocent (Oh)

I'd give it all to feel that way again, way again (Oh)

Yeah, holding back

Yeah, I've always been good at that, unattached (Yeah)

Waiting for what's coming next, things I know I should address

I feel more together when I am a mess (Whoa)

Got some moments that just came and went

Made amends with you, then you overstepped

That's a line you never shoulda crossed, you got no respect

Stop with all the threats

Like the more I get to know you, I just know you less (Yeah)

'Nother city I don't know well

Feeling too much like my old self

Backsliding, backsliding

Got me in the sad feels, got me at a standstill

Too much time alone is when it gets real (Ah)

Future doesn't pop up, then the past will

Upside, that's a rare view

Now I'm going downhill (Yeah)

Don't know who I'm close with

Going through the motions

Don't know who to trust when I (Yeah)

I lie to myself and I, I can't handle it

Why do I waste so much time on things that I can't fix?

All these things I hold inside I just can't forget

Thought that I could let this go

But I ain't know that it would be like this, yeah

Like this (Like this)

I ain't know that it would be like this

Yeah, like this

I ain't know that it would be like this

Yeah, maybe I'm impossible to be with

I know that you got a thousand reasons

You probably wanna leave, but don't know how, yeah

I don't hear a thing when you yell

Guess you like to hear your own voice, yeah

Got me standing here with no choice

I see they tryna guess, they got me all wrong

Look, I'm doing my best to try to stay calm

But I can't deal (Can't deal)

Feeling too much like my old self

Backsliding, backsliding

I just let the phone ring

We ain't even close, please

Throwing out opinions from the nosebleeds (Ayy, yeah)

Lot of issues that you don't see

Texts that I just won't read

Play it off, it cuts deep though

When I don't know who I'm close with

Going through the motions

Don't know who to trust when I (Yeah)

I lie to myself and I, I can't handle it

Why do I waste so much time on things that I can't fix? (Yeah)

All these things I hold inside I just can't forget (Nah)

Thought that I could let this go (Yeah)

But I ain't know that it would be like this, yeah (Woo, yeah)

Like this (Ayy)

I ain't know that it would be like this

(I ain't know that it would be like this, woo)

Yeah, like this (Like this)

I ain't know that it would be like this (Like this), yeah (Yeah)

Like this (Like this)

I ain't know that it would be like this

Yeah, like this (Like this)

I ain't know that it would be like this