Music is my Therapy

 HEEEEEEYYYYY!!! I just had to jump on here real quick to geek out and fangirl over the MICHAEL MOVIE! 🔥👑🕺🙌 I just got back from seeing the Early Access viewing in IMAX and....I don't have words, it was PHENOMONAL!! I was so nervous before going haha when I'm super excited about something I get anxious! There has been so much build up for me personally leading up to this movie! I have tried to recreate the feeling of "Michael Mania" from the 80's as best I could. My social media algorithms have fed me nothing but Michael biopic content since November (which I have been LOVING but also can't help feeling a little sad and jealous about missing out on all the cool Michael related events around the world and not having someone special I can geek out with...my family is wonderful and I'm so grateful for them but you know what I mean...).  Tonight was everything I could have hoped for and more! Despite getting stuck in crazy traffic and barely making it to o...

FEAR was heavy. I love it, I feel it but it was intense. It's uncomfortably close to what life has been feeling like for me this past year. I've been listening to the song FEAR on repeat especially when some stuff happened this weekend that made me really upset and feeling very alone, overlooked, uncared for and abandoned. It made me think "I have NO ONE. No one who really cares about me. I'm told things to my face and then forgotten about the second they walk out of the room. So, I'm done. I'm done reaching out and sounding super desperate. I'll just do it on my own, like always."  So yeah. Not feeling in the best of spirits. Been making lots of selfish mistakes, binge eating my feelings away and isolating. SO. In an effort to feel a little better, I've decided to do another listening party! It's holiday time and I want to enjoy all the Christmas music while I can because I'm ready for it! I haven't listened to my faves BRAND NEW Chri...

It's been a while... But I had to come back and do a "live listening party reaction" post for NF's *NEW* EP FEAR!!  It just dropped today and I just finished listening to the HOPE album so I'm extremely interested to see where this is going...I spent the last two weeks binge listening to all of Nate's past albums/EP's so I feel like I'm ready to pick up on all the easter eggs and connections that may be present. FEAR: YES! THIS IS WHAT I WANTED!! I probably shouldn't, but I do. First off, this is soooo different and I'm OBSESSED. The singing, the whole vibe. YES.   I haven't been doing well mentally (what's new right?) and it's been affecting me more than ever. I keep telling myself I need to say something, but I won't. Stupid pride. There's also just a lot going on in my family's life right now, I don't want to be another burden to add to the weight of what my parents specifically have been carrying with all year. ...

Song: Christmas Day Artist: Mat & Savanna Shaw MERRY CHRISTMAS ! !   🎄🎅🎁🍬🍪🌟🙏 What a fun day!! I loved getting to spend time with my family. It was traditional, new and different all at the same time, but it was still a beautiful, wonderful holiday. Despite not getting ANY snow 😭 I love my family so much it makes me want to cry! I'm so blessed. Even if now, here at the end of the night I'm feeling depressed and sad for the holiday to end. I'm feeling sad for my single aunt who hosted the past two days and then we all left her alone. It makes me feel bad for her 💔 I already feel sad for myself (always, of course) that all of my siblings got to go home with their significant others, but at least I have my parents and dog. My poor, sweet, over the top, but very loving aunt just had to watch everyone leave and was left alone with somewhat of a mess. We'll be back over there tomorrow to help her clean up but still. She put so much work and effort to make it sp...

Songs: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas & Tonight is Christmas Eve Artists: Fred Waring & His Pennsylvanians & Girl Named Tom MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE ! ! 🎄🎅🎁 How did we get here?? This month flew by at a rapid pace, faster than Dasher and Prancer and all Santa's reindeer on Christmas Eve night! 😉 I'm excited for tonight! To sing Christmas carols, watch Home Alone and feast, feast, feast, FEAST!! 😋 I'm grateful for my family. 💕 I'm missing many family members this year, as I always will from here on out, but I'm grateful for the one's I do get to be with and for the health and safety of the ones who are apart. And for my angels in heaven who are happy, healthy and waiting for me.  I wish the forecast was showing snow, I've been rather bitter about that, haha. It's been  years since the last true white Christmas I've experienced and I was just really hoping for one this year. But I shouldn't complain. I'm blessed and gra...

Song: Spending Christmas Together Artist: Mat & Savanna Shaw Had a great night celebrating the Christmas season with my family! The night was fun; we ate good food, listened to festive music, played fun games and decorated gingerbread houses. But now, here alone at the end of the night...I feel sad. I miss how Christmas used to be. When siblings teamed up for gingerbread house competitions...not spouses, partners and me and my dad. I miss getting ready for bed with my sisters, chatting and giggling into the early hours of the morning. I miss hearing my brothers sneak out of their rooms to play video games late into the night. I miss how things used to be. Everything is different now. It's hard to see it change. I can't see change as a good thing and I know I need to, I should. I'm grateful I still can celebrate Christmas with most of my family still but...it's just not the same. I miss the Christmases of my past, spent with ALL of my family. Together. Just us. It ...