Birthday Eve

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September 10, 2026

11:00 PM

Last hour of 33

My life has not panned out the way I always hoped, wished, dreamed or imagined it would. Not even close. In some ways, it's panned out the way I always feared it would. 

I feel old. I feel...uninspired.

I've been reading through my past birthday posts and song tributes to myself and it makes me sad. Sad for the hopes I had that never came to pass. 

I feel numb but want to feel alive and happy and content. I want to be at peace with myself but fear it's not possible. I've never fully felt at peace in my entire life. I'm chronically anxious, nervous, irritated and sad. I don't like myself. I can't remember the last time I did or even if I ever have. 

My wish for myself by next year when I read this "letter" back, is that something will have changed. That I'll have found peace. That I will have more life-lived experience. That I'll love myself...or at least like myself. And if we're going with REALLY wishful thinking...that I'll have found romantic love. I can't help it...deep down, I'm still a dreamer at heart... despite my chronic negativity, glass-is-half-empty mind-set. "I guess I'll always be a dreamer..."

Good luck! 🤞🤞

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