Music is my Therapy

Song: Country Road Artist: Jack Johnson & Paula Fuga   Happy Friday! And what a thoroughly good day it has been! One of the first really good days I've had in quite some time. I know I've been very down and depressing here as of late. But just remember, my blog is really here for me more than anyone else (though I'm quite sure at this point there is no one else who reads it). I record my current feelings, thoughts and emotions that I'm experiencing at different times in my life through music, here on my blog. It is nice to look back on and remember how each song has helped and/or affected me. I've been re-reading all of my posts and listening to all of the music over the past almost 2 years now ( February 23rd will be the 2-year anniversary of " Music is My Therapy !" I've never kept a blog this long before!). It's crazy how I am still listening to most if not all of the same music today! So you see, I do post songs that mean s

Song: One More Artist: Hanson   I kind of had a mini "blow-out" with my mother last night and we haven't spoken to one another or made eye contact once today. I wish I could better communicate my feelings, my anxiety and the depression I'm almost positive I have to my family better. But, no. It's always the same. I isolate myself. We get angry with each other. I isolate myself more. It's like they don't even seem to care! I can't do this anymore. This is NOT how I wanted my new year to start out! I've literally been depressed since day 1. I can't get over the major disappointment that occurred right off the bat. That overwhelming disappointment has literally broken my heart. And I can't convince myself to move on. My anxiety is getting worse. I'm not eating "healthy" or exercising the way I had planned. And I'm still not communicating well or moving forward with my life. I just can't take it "one more.&

Song: Don't Dream It's Over Artist: Crowded House I'm still holding onto the hope that things will change! And today things started to look up, if only a little bit. I feel kind of bad for feeling so happy about what was said. And then the immediate thoughts that I then began to formulate. But I'm just gripping that thread of hope that I felt today with an iron fist! I can't give up the fight! I can't give up the hope, the wish, the want! Nothing is certain. I can still dream. I can still hope and pray. It's not over til it's over. "Don't dream it's over...." There is freedom within there is freedom without Try to catch a deluge in a paper cup There's a battle ahead many battles are lost But you'll never see the end of the road While you're traveling with me Hey now, hey now Don't dream it's over Hey now, hey now Wh

Song: Be Thou Humble Artist: LDS Hymn book, 130   I sang this song at church today. It is so beautiful. And so meaningful , especially for myself and in my current state. The words struck me so personally. I love the message. I love the love I feel from God while singing or listening to this inspired piece of music. It truly touches my soul. I feel it is a blessing and an answer to my prayers. My answer: Be humble. God will lead me and bless me. Trust Him. Always. He is there.   Be thou humble in thy weakness , and the Lord thy God shall lead thee , Shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers . Be thou humble in thy pleading , and the Lord thy God shall bless thee , Shall bless thee with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares.   Be thou humble in thy calling, and the Lord thy God shall teach thee To serve his children gladly with a pure and gentle love. Be thou humble in thy longing , and the Lord thy God shall take thee, Shall take

  Song: Hold On Artist: Wilson Phillips   I'm trying to encourage myself and be a little bit more positive. Yesterday's post was heavy. I'm still feeling down and depressed but I'm a little more interested in helping pull myself back up today. More so than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I just wanted to drown in my ocean of self-pity. Today, at least I'm doggie-paddeling. Keeping my head above the waves.   This song is a little cheesy but the lyrics are positive and have been helping me try to stay focused and to "hold on for one more day."       I know this pain Why do lock yourself up in these chains? No one can change your life except for you Don't ever let anyone step all over you Just open your heart and your mind Is it really fair to feel this way inside? Some day somebody's gonna make you want to Turn around and say goodbye Until then baby are you going to let them Hold you down and make you cry Don't you

Song: Lost Boy Artist: Ruth B.   I love Peter Pan. I have for a very, very long time. I'll be honest, I probably have " Peter Pan Syndrome ." Anyone remember the " Michael and Me " series I did back in September/October of last year? I did a whole post on mine and Michael's shared love for Peter. I totally get why Michael Jackson loved this character so much. Everyone else seemed to think he was crazy and weird for it, but not me. It was actually nice for me, to read, hear and see someone else "get" that. It just happened to be the most famous man who ever lived.   "I am Peter Pan....in my heart."   I youtubed "Peter Pan lyrics" the other day. Just because I wanted to. And I found this song. It's by some random girl on youtube who is famous on Vine? I don't know, that is something I totally just don't get. "Famous because of Vine." I get how someone could be considered "famo

Song: Just Let Me Cry Artist: Hilary Weeks   I'm trying. I really, really am. To let it all go to the best of my abilities. But this is something that I had wanted with a BIG part of my heart. I had really wanted this. I did things that were really out of my comfort zone to try to get it, and then it didn't happen. Even when I felt I was being given a second chance, it failed. It didn't come to pass. Today, it hit me really hard. I felt depressed. And I had 0 motivation. Not how I wanted to feel. Not what I expected to feel. So sometimes, you just need to cry. I've been doing a lot of that lately but it feels really, really good. It's a good release. And I need it again today. Because I'm still feeling sad. Will these feelings ever go away? Just let me cry again. Just for today. Just let me cry.     I believe that everything happens for a reason We're not just tossed by the wind or left in the hands of fate But sometimes life sends a storm t

Song: He'll Carry You Artist: Hilary Weeks I still feel sad. And a little hurt. And confused. And nervous. The anxiety is eating away at me right now. I feel awkward. And just....weird. I don't know how to be "normal." It's killing me! I wish I could get away from myself for a week or so. The person I want to be away from the most is the one person I can't escape...me. I miss my sister. A lot. I wish she was still here with me. She helps me not focus on my pain, fear and awkwardness. I really want to feel at peace for just a second. I just want to catch my breath. I want my stomach to stop churning. I don't want to feel like I can't breathe. This song brings me peace. It makes me cry. It feels like it's just for me. I do feel peace when I listen to this song. And I know that it's words speak truth. And that helps. It helps the pain go away, even for just a second. I can breathe again.   He knows your heart He knows your pain He knows the

Song: I Can't Cry Hard Enough Artist: Bellefire   I got my hopes up. I felt so good inside. I felt so happy. I felt so excited. I felt like I was being given a second chance. A gift. Now it's all come crashing down and exploded in my face. I thought by doing what I did it would have a positive end for me. But it didn't. It crashed and burned. My heart hurts. I shouldn't be this hurt/sad/offended but I am. I don't want to go back knowing I'm not "wanted" anymore. I'm not important and special. I can't face the pain. The hurt I will feel. The sadness and rejection I'll feel inside. Things don't work out for me. Why do I allow myself to hope? Why do I allow myself to wish and pray? It never works. It never, ever does. The world is against me. I must still be paying for mistakes I've made.  And mistakes I'm still making. Don't ever hope for things like this again. Because they won't happen. Not for you. It's just