I Can't Cry Hard Enough

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Song: I Can't Cry Hard Enough
Artist: Bellefire
 
I got my hopes up. I felt so good inside. I felt so happy. I felt so excited. I felt like I was being given a second chance. A gift. Now it's all come crashing down and exploded in my face. I thought by doing what I did it would have a positive end for me. But it didn't. It crashed and burned. My heart hurts. I shouldn't be this hurt/sad/offended but I am. I don't want to go back knowing I'm not "wanted" anymore. I'm not important and special. I can't face the pain. The hurt I will feel. The sadness and rejection I'll feel inside. Things don't work out for me. Why do I allow myself to hope? Why do I allow myself to wish and pray? It never works. It never, ever does. The world is against me. I must still be paying for mistakes I've made.  And mistakes I'm still making. Don't ever hope for things like this again. Because they won't happen. Not for you. It's just not your luck.
 
 
I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
 
 
I wish I could cry right now. The tears won't come though. I hate when this happens. I hate that when I really need a good cry, I can't. It only comes when I don't want it anymore. I want to feel numb. I want to feel indifferent about this whole, stupid, obsessive, weird situation but I just can't. How long is it going to take me to get over this? This is not the start I wanted for the new year. The start I was anticipating. Not the start I was hoping for.

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