NF JOURNEY: LET YOU DOWN

Song: Let You Down

Artist: NF

Wow. This video is crazy!!

This is one of the handful of NF songs I was familiar with prior to my deep dive into his catalog. From what I've read, it sounds like this was one of his biggest commercially successful songs to date. It's a fantastic song (what's new?) with an extremely catchy hook (I love singing NF 😍). The lyrics are hard-hitting and emotional. All the great elements of an NF song. 👌

I don't want to spoil the video so I shared my thoughts below. Buckle up y'all, it's an emotional, cinematic masterpiece that will probably make you cry and then lose your mind and then cry again! 😭🤯😭 Don't say I didn't warn ya! 

Feels like we're on the edge right now

I wish that I could say I'm proud

I'm sorry that I let you down

Let you down

All these voices in my head get loud

I wish that I could shut them out

I'm sorry that I let you down

L-l-let you down

Yeah, I guess I'm a disappointment

Doing everything I can, I don't wanna make you disappointed

It's annoying

I just wanna make you feel like everything I ever do 

Was never tryna make an issue for you  😭💥I FEEL THAT IN MY SOUL

But I guess the more you

Thought about everything, you were never even wrong in the first place, right?

Yeah, I'ma just ignore you

Walking towards you, with my head down lookin' at the ground, I'm embarrassed for you  💔

Paranoia, what did I do wrong this time? That's parents for you

Very loyal?

Shoulda had my back, but you put a knife in it; my hands are full

What else should I carry for you?

I cared for you, but

Feels like we're on the edge right now

I wish that I could say I'm proud

I'm sorry that I let you down

L-l-let you down

All these voices in my head get loud

I wish that I could shut them out

I'm sorry that I let you down

L-l-let you down

Yeah, you don't wanna make this work

You just wanna make this worse

Want me to listen to you

But you don't ever hear my words

You don't wanna know my hurt yet

Let me guess, you want an apology, probably

How can we keep going at a rate like this?

We can't, so I guess I'ma have to leave

Please don't come after me

I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all

Go ahead, just drink it off

Both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong

Ain't that what you always do?

I feel like every time I talk to you, you're in an awful mood

What else can I offer you?

There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you

Feels like we're on the edge right now

I wish that I could say I'm proud

I'm sorry that I let you down

L-l-let you down

All these voices in my head get loud

I wish that I could shut them out

I'm sorry that I let you down

L-l-let you down

Yeah, don't talk down to me

That's not gonna work now

Packed all my clothes and I moved out

I don't even wanna go to your house

Every time I sit on that couch

I feel like you lecture me

Eventually, I bet that we

Could have made this work

And probably woulda figured things out

But I guess I'm a letdown

But it's cool, I checked out

Oh, you wanna be friends now?

Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now

Sit around and talk about the good times

That didn't even happen

I mean, why are you laughing?

Must have missed that joke

Let me see if I can find a reaction

No, but at least you're happy

Feels like we're on the edge right now

I wish that I could say I'm proud

I'm sorry that I let you down

Oh, I let you down

All these voices in my head get loud

And I wish that I could shut them out

I'm sorry that I let you down

Oh, let you down

I'm sorry

I'm so sorry now

Yeah I'm sorry

That I let you down

Whew! OK. SO much to unpack here. I know you probably just finished watching the video, but I'm still going to explain it so I can attempt to explain my own thoughts and feelings. The video starts out with an older man walking down to a serene, peaceful lake when all of the sudden NF POPS OUT OF THE WATER struggling to stay afloat, thrashing about, begging for help, but the old man just stares at him!! He doesn't try to help at all, he's just watching him struggle! As if that's not already emotional enough, the old man then starts lip-singing the chorus! 😭 

The verses of the song make it sound like he's talking about his relationship with his parents, specifically his father(?), who I don't think we know much about. We ALL know the story and his struggle with his mom 💔 and that his mom's boyfriend "Johnny" (referenced in Intro III) physically abused him (referenced in Mansion) , but I have no idea what kind of relationship or feelings he has towards his father. Honestly, I just assumed his dad probably wasn't in his life but the video definitely seems to show that his father has been around just maybe never...did anything for him? Never helped him or supported him? Going off lyrics, it sounds like it's been a strained relationship and that Nate feels like a disappointment to his dad and that his dad doesn't try to understand him. Perhaps he has a drinking problem ("I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all. Go ahead, just drink it off, both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong ain't that what you always do?") .

The video continues and we now see the old man watching NF struggle and scream for help from INSIDE OF A BURNING CAR 😭💔 (NF's acting skills are too good, it's hard to watch that scene. At least it was for me!) AND THEN, ONCE THE FREAKING CAR EXPLODES THE OLD MAN OPENS UP A COFFIN AND FINALLY SHOWS SOME SORT OF EMOTION WHEN HE SEES NF'S LIFELESS BODY LYING INSIDE!! He begins to cry and you finally sense his guilt and regret that he never did anything for him while he had the chance! BUT THIS ISN'T THE CRAZIEST PART...

All of the sudden the video begins to go backwards and ends at the beginning, with the old man standing on the dock when the camera zooms in on his arm where you can see part of a tattoo with the letters R-E-A...AND THEN YOU HEAR A WOMAN SAY "NATHAN?" BOOM. 💥✋🎤 Video cuts to black and it ENDS! 🤯 THE OLD MAN IS NATHAN!! NF!! MY MIND IS OFFICALLY BLOWN!! THE ULTIMATE PLOT TWIST I DID NOT SEE COMING!!!

As I tried to wrap my mind around what I just witnessed (since the lyrics totally imply a strained relationship with a parent) I searched the comment section of the video since I knew the die-hard NF Outcast fam could help me out. 😊 And they did. Basically, there's a double meaning. The song does speak to his relationship with his father (or maybe another parent/guardian relationship he had at some point) and how he felt misunderstood by them. BUT, it does indeed have that twist where HIS FUTURE SELF is speaking to HIS YOUNGER, STRUGGLING SELF because he feels like he's let HIMSELF down!! 😭 And that's when I lost it! Like, legit started to cry because that's the takeaway for me.

That plot twist made the song WAY more personal and relatable for me. I am headed in the direction of being that old man. In many ways, I already am. When I think back over my lifetime and reflect on the all the times I let myself down.... 😭💔 I can't even go there, it's too painful. At the same time, this visual interpretation is a BIG slap in the face and I NEED it! Reminds me of the ending of Wake Up. I know I'm headed there and I don't want to be. I already have so many regrets that I will always have to live with and I don't want to continue to create more.

This song also brought to mind some thoughts and feelings coming from my own relationship with my parents that's quite personal but here goes...I've mentioned several times before that I come from a wonderful family! Stable, supportive, loving. We may look perfect and put together on the outside but we're far from it. We have our struggles. Not anything like NF's situation, but still. In recent years, I feel like my relationship with my parents has steadily declined...I don't know how to talk about this.... I feel like they "don't see me." Or at least they don't seem to care. Which I know they do but...ugh! I don't know. I went on a rant about this once here if you want more details. So, I kinda relate to the part about feeling like a let down to my parents and my parents not helping and understanding me the way I need them too. Whoo. Yeah. I need to go to therapy cause I got baggage. I love my parents and I'm truly so grateful for everything they've done for me but...I know I'm holding some serious grudges against them. It makes me want to lash out at them but at the same time, they truly do so much for me it would be incredibly disrespectful and unfair on my part. I'm 30 years old and I'm still quite dependent on them in many ways and they help me out a lot. More than they need to or probably should tbh. They could have kicked me out years ago. But they haven't. Because they know I struggle...but then...they aren't really doing much to help me out...but I'm not necessarily asking...this is getting deep and messy and it's time to move on! Dang it NF! You've done it again...you're making me think about things and confront things I try to keep buried.

EVERYTHING about this song and video is hitting home HARD. The visual that creates the idea of watching yourself struggle but not doing anything about it is affecting me in a big way. That's what I've done to myself every time I choose to hide and ignore and turn away from my problems. Ugh. Whew. I'm super emotional right now. 😰 That image of Nate drowning and burning in the car was very effective as I pictured myself over the past ten or so years in the same situation to represent my own struggles while future/current me just sits there and stares. Whew! OK. I'm going to end this now. Thanks for another WAKE UP call Nate! I hope you keep them coming because I need them all of the time!