Music is my Therapy

Song: My December  Artist(s): Josh Groban and Linkin Park Feeling a little down and out. 😞 Preparing for the upcoming Christmas season, my favorite time of the year, has me feeling sad. I feel cold inside. I don't feel the same warm, happy glow as I usually do. So I found this song to be fitting in many ways: The title, My DECEMBER , as we approach the final month of the year ( starting  TOMORROW! ), the lyrics feel lonely and sad 𝅘𝅥𝅮 This is my December. This is me alone . And I just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed 𝆕 and finally, it's Josh Groban. Feels perfectly fitting to me to end Josh Groban month with some more Josh Groban himself 😁 This is actually a cover by Josh, the original is by the punk-rock group Linkin Park. Two totally polar opposite artists. Both versions are beautiful and capture my feelings of loneliness, isolation, cold, empty heart. 🖤💔 This is my December This is my time of the year This is my December This is all so clea...

Song: Get It Artist: Stevie Wonder feat. Michael Jackson Look who's back, back again! It's MICHAEL!! He's actually just the "featured" performer on this slappin' song! I discovered this song after watching the Bad 25 documentary this summer. I've always loved the song Stevie features in on Michael's album  Bad,  Just Good Friends . In the documentary Stevie mentions that he was doing "Mike" a favor after Michael had guested on his 1987 album Characters (that I believe came out a little before Bad ). Whew. That's a lot of info I just dropped there, hope you were able to follow! This song "like totally" SLAPS!! It is straight FIRE!!  🔥 I actually think I may like it more than Just Good Friends! It's so fun and Michael's vocals are CRAZY GOOD!! They are straight dripping  with soul and intensity and PASSION (of course)! One of my favorite parts is when Michael comes on with "She's sick and tired of being on...

Song: Edelweiss  Artist: From, The Sound of Music I had a lovely experience at church today! The talks and lessons were so inspiring and have helped strengthen my testimony and increased my desire to strengthen my faith. A quote that was shared during one of the lessons was "You are worth more than easy." I LOVE that! It's my new mantra! Life takes  effort. Faith takes effort. EVERYTHING worthwhile in this life takes  EFFORT! Effort is hard. It can be exhausting. But it's worth it. With effort comes strength and progress. Right now in my life, I am simply "treading water." I'm not going anywhere and eventually I'm going to drown (sometimes I feel like I already have). I have to start pushing myself and get myself moving again.  I'm sharing this song on this sabbath day because I find it calm, peaceful and beautiful. I have a few different versions (of course!) because there are so many good ones! Sound of Music Of course I have to share the ...

Song: Sunny Days Artist: Jars of Clay Today was fun for the most part! We took "professional" family pictures for the first time in years (I'll cry when my picture with my dog comes down - from the last time we took pictures like this. I wore my ring with his name on it so he'd still sort of be with me in the pictures. It's not the same but it's something 💔). I'm gonna try not to hate them (my body/weight isn't anywhere near where I would like it to be and my face is constantly breaking out but I had to suck it up and grin and bear it for my mother). We had a "pizza party" afterwards, went to an Escape Room (we won!) and got Froyo (10 minutes before they closed!). I love spending time with my family during the holidays (even if some of them - extended family that is - stress me out and make me feel on edge). It's always such a fun and magical time of year! Even when it's harder for me to get in the spirit and feel joy, my family ma...

Song(s): That's All I Know So Far & Grow As We Go Artist(s): P!nk & The Piano Guys feat. Mat & Savanna Shaw Today I feel: anxious, embarrassed, stupid, awkward, fat, ugly and guilty. Why I can't break this negative thought cycle when I'm with these particular family members is discouraging and depressing. I know it's all in my head and I do it all to myself. I miss my dog. That's All I Know So Far I really love this new song from P!nk. I heard in an interview that she wrote this as a love letter to her daughter which I found to be really sweet. The lyrics are relatable for me right now. I'm still learning, growing and trying to change and be better. I haven't always been this way I wasn't born a renegade I felt alone, still feel afraid I stumble through it anyway I wish someone would've told me that this life is ours to choose No one's handing you the keys or a book with all the rules The little that I know I'll tell to you When t...

Song: Over the River Artist: Pentatonix HAPPY THANKSGIVING ! !  🙏🦃 Today I feel grateful for family, food, good health and the tender mercies and grace of God. I'm not feeling my usual overly grateful, cheery, happy self on this holiday I love simply because I'm still grieving. 😔 I think watching my neighbors dog has been harder on me than I thought it would be. My session with my therapist yesterday was my least favorite time so far and I'm still processing my emotions. Nothing necessarily awful or dramatic happened, but there were a few instances during (and then directly after) that I just felt more overwhelmed and depressed than usual. Typically I feel more motivated and rejuvenated after a session but it was different this time. I feel the complete opposite . Exhausted. Overwhelmed. I don't want to do the assignments he gave me. I don't want to go back. I want to lock myself in my room and hide forever. From everything and everyone.  Sorry for the rant, it ...

Song: Ordinary Miracle Artist: Sarah McLachlan I was thinking to myself last night how crazy it is that we are already here. At the end of the year. It seems like it was this time last year just...yesterday. I can remember it so clearly. How has it possibly been an entire year?? I guess that's just one example of those "ordinary miracles" in life. Just as the seasons change; the leaves change colors, then die away then return with full green vibrancy. These small, every day "ordinary miracles "are all around us. The sun sets and then rises again each day. And the world goes round and round and round. I've always enjoyed this soft, pretty song about noticing and taking in the pleasures and beauty of the world around us and recognizing the small things. And since this song is from the live action film  Charlotte's Web ,  which is the story of an "ordinary" pig and his "extraordinary" spider friend, it's very fitting. I love that st...

Song(s): Visiting Hours & Keep Me in Your Heart Artist(s): Ed Sheeran, Warren Zezon & Jinder I should say I'm sorry for being such a downer this month but I won't. I'm dealing with my emotions through the assistance of music and I'm still very sad and that's just how it's going to be for a while. Read my disclaimer from November 1st . You were warned. I'm taking care of my neighbors dog this week. I almost began full on sobbing while walking her today! 😭 I walked her down the same trails I usually do when I've watched her in the past but this was the first time since my dog's passing that I have walked a dog. It broke my heart. 💔 I even called my neighbors dog by my dog's name and it was such a terrible feeling. I couldn't enjoy the music I was listening to. It was a beautiful, crisp day and I felt miserable. Guilty. Depressed. Crushed. These trails and walking paths bring me heartache and despair. They used to be one of my favorit...

Song: Send Me A Song Artist: Celtic Women I'm in a weird mood today. I'm feeling so much better than I was yesterday (huzzah!) but I'm also feeling emotionally and mentally off. I guess I'm just sad. We began decorating out house for Christmas yesterday and it was fun (even though I was still feeling a little sick). I came across my puppy's stocking. I am debating if I should hang it up with the rest of our stockings (like we usually do) or if I should keep it in my room. It's hard getting into the spirit knowing he's not here. It's even harder realizing it's been almost exactly 5 months since he's been gone. And that life is going on as is always does. We're cleaning our house to get ready for company. Pulling out old recipes of holiday favorites. The decorations with years of memories attached. Getting ready for the best time of the year. I think it's going to be a "Blue Christmas" for me this year. 😢 There's a part of...

Song: The Prayer Artist: Pentatonix Whew. Last night and most of my morning was a doozy! I was in so much pain! I don't know what's going on with my body but this is the third time I have experienced intense body pains that last hours on end and then eventually just stop and go away. I was really hoping I could fall asleep last night and let the pain run it's course, but it became so intense that I had to go wake my poor parents up at 3 in morning and ask for a Priesthood blessing from my dad. I felt bad doing that but it was the only thing that helped me! After my blessing the pains did begin to ease and I was able to get some rest. I'm still not feeling 100% but at least it's not debilitating anymore and I can get up and move around.  I've received many Priesthood blessings over the past few months. They have been life savers and miracle workers for me. I am so grateful that I have a father who is worthy and holds this sacred power that I can ask for a bless...

Song: Much Too Soon Artist: Michael Jackson Celebrating my mom yesterday was a joyful, loving, fun, wonderful day! I am so grateful for my mom and loved being able to spoil her a little bit. But for some reason, by the end of the night, long after the festivities had ended, I got a little down and I'm still feeling a little down today. I can't exactly pin-point the reason. Maybe it's from the stress of the upcoming holiday or stress about an awkward confrontation I have to have with a family member about something I'm putting off again. Stress about my upcoming therapy session (it's still not easy or comfortable for me). Stress about some aches and pains I keep experiencing (yesterday I had a really painful morning) and worrying they are the result of an underlying, serious illness. And of course, sadness because the one thing that could take my stress away is no longer here.😞 And my emotions have been heightened about that because of the joyful time of year. I f...

Song: Evergreen Artist: Pentatonix I find this song to be an absolutely, perfectly FITTING choice for today as it is my mother's birthday! 🥳 This song is the title track from Pentatonix's * BRAND NEW* Christmas/Holiday album Evergreen ! This album is phenomenal! It definitely has a different vibe from their past holiday albums... it feels more "classical Christmas" even though several of the songs aren't necessarily Christmas specific songs (i.e. I Just Called to Say I Love You ,  The Prayer & My Heart With You ) but their arrangements are phenomenal (just wait until I post their version of  Over the River - GENIUS!! How they made that song sound so beautiful is a true testament to their talent!) and I love every track - as per usual. This song is an original and it is one of the sweetest most heart-felt songs I have heard in a long time! I've gotten a little choked up more than once while listening to it. The first time I heard it I first thought...