29 on the 29th

Song: 3 AM Radio

Artist: Jack Johnson

I'm giving some context behind this month's song. July has been a doozy. Not only did I face my dog's first birthday since he's been gone but we unexpectedly lost my grandpa. And now, we are just two short days away from the absolute worst day of my life, the one year mark since my sweet puppy's been gone. One year ago from today, I had to make the hardest decision of my life which was to decide, with the help of my family, to let my truest and best friend in the world, the source of all my joy and happiness and the reason for my life, be put to rest. It took everything I had to just nod my head and acknowledge that it was, as hard as it was to say it, time. The day I had been dreading for the past two years. I still can't get over the fact that it's been an entire year. It doesn't feel possible. It feels like it was just yesterday. I think about him every single day and miss him every single moment of every single day. It still feels wrong. He should still be here. 

I haven't been sleeping well most nights. I'm just too sad. So I've found myself listening to music during these difficult nights to ease the pain and loneliness I feel. This song has become a go-to for me. Even though I'm not usually still listening by "3 AM" it still feels like an appropriate song to listen to when I'm having these middle of the night listening parties.

Well this station is breaking my heart and my hard head

Wanted you to change, but I changed my mind instead

I wanted proof, you wanted something you could hold onto

But in the end we mistook all the dissonance as the truth

Well some will sleep in the back seat, some will look on down the road

Some are listening to 3AM radio, screaming about

Broken hearts and white noise, busted souls, bloody noses

Get back up and stand in line, you owe it to the system

You trust sometimes, you walk away, you rebel and then you miss 'em

But you'll come home, you always do, it only hurts if you're paying attention

Well you heard it once, and then maybe twice, under someone's breath as they walked by

But you don't buy that big old bag of lies, you've been adding up negative signs

It's fine, it's fine, you've been saying, for miles and miles

You've been raising all hell in such a laid back style

I'll get you home, I always do, I'll hold my breath if I have too

Windows down, it's dark out there, watch the wind blowing through your hair

Sleep now, dream now, anything you need now

A little more time and then the day begins to break again

Some will sleep in the back seat, some will look on down the road

Some are listening to 3AM radio, singing about

Wrong turns and could have beens, and everybody else's sins

And this one goes out to the one I love, just let me fall again

And again and again, and where do I begin?

Is there anybody out there even listening?