Happy Heavenly Birthday Puppy Dog!

Happy Heavenly Birthday to my Angel Baby!! 🖤🤍💔

Today has been nice but I also feel emotionally drained. This is the first birthday of my sweet boy in 18 years that I'm "celebrating" without him. He would have been 18 years old today if he were still here. I know most dogs don't live that long. I wish they lived forever. That they didn't leave this earth until we do. That they stayed with us forever. 

I woke up early this morning and went on a slightly grueling but doable hike with some of my family members. It was hard but it was one of those rewarding hikes where you feel proud of yourself for making it and the way back took about half the time it did going up. 

I've been thinking about my dog all day long. When I got home from my hike I found an amazing gift from my aunt. It's a statue a little over a foot tall, that she painted and it looks exactly like my dog! 🖤🤍😭 From the coloring, fur texture, the way he's sitting down to his beautiful, beautiful eyes. Those eyes. I could swear it's really him!! I instantly started to sob. It looks so real! It's such a special gift that I will treasure for the rest of my life! 🖤🤍 Words can't express my gratitude although it breaks my heart at the same time. It makes me miss him more, but I love it! I sobbed throughout my shower and as I got cleaned up from my hike. 

I can remember my puppy's birthday from last year so clearly. Every detail is etched in my mind. It was such a special day for me. It breaks me a little more every time I realize that was a year ago. What I would give to go back. I would re-live every moment of my life if it meant I could be with him again.

The guilt of "moving on" without him still hits me hard every day. There are still times I think I hear him. When I think I hear a scratch at the door or his quiet breathing as he sleeps next to me. I still think I can smell him sometimes. It hits me out of nowhere and makes me stop in place. Right now, at this very moment as I type, I can smell him! His familiar, wonderful, comforting scent. Some people might think that's weird or gross but I would bottle this scent up and keep it with me forever if I could! I am and will forever be mourning the loss of my heart, my dog. I miss him so much!! 🖤🤍💔

Since early June, I have seen numerous big, bright yellow & black butterflies. I've seen more in this last month than I probably have in my entire life! Each time I see one, it makes me happy. I saw several during my hike this morning and the thought came to me that this is a gift to me from my puppy dog. That he is sending me these beautiful little reminders that he's still with me and that he loves me and is watching over me. That he wants to make me smile and send a little joy to my life. That's how I will forever see butterflies from now on. They're a symbol of him and a reminder that he's right by my side. He's probably chasing butterflies in heaven! 🦋

Not a day goes by when I don't think of him, when I don't look at a picture of his perfect face. That I don't miss him. I pray to God every night, asking him to hold my puppy tight and tell him I love him. I have to believe that heaven is real and that the resurrection applies to dogs just as it does to people. That I really, truly will seem him and be with him again! That it's not just some sweet sentiment we tell ourselves here on earth to help ease the pain. And I do believe it. I have to.

So today, on your 18th birthday, I just want to say I love you forever and always puppy dog!! 🖤 That I never have and never will forget you! How could I? You are my world, the light and love of my life! You are a part of me and have left your sweet pawprints on my heart forever! 🐾🤍 I hope you are running around heaven with your best friend (our neighbors old dog) chasing butterflies 🦋 and getting spoiled rotten by both of our grandmas! I hope you are riding with the windows down with the wind in your face, something you loved to do every time you were in the car! I hope you're eating all the meat and treats you want, you deserve every last one! I know you hear me when I talk to you and wish you good night. That you're closer than I think. Thank you for giving me your everything!! You are my everything and I am so eternally thankful for all you did for me when you were here!!  What you still do for me! For every bad day you made instantly better. Every tear you licked away. I still feel your love every single day and I know what we had was so special it will never be replaced or forgotten! I love you forever and always!!!! 🖤🤍💔

Another song dedicated to my most loving and loyal best friend, for your endless source of joy and companionship in my life. You were the gift I didn't deserve but that I was blessed to have for so long. 🖤🤍💔 Keep chasing butterflies 🦋

When I first saw you

I knew I had to take you home

My friends they argue that I couldn't raise you on my own

But I will show them that you're meant to be with me

You're my angel sent from above to set me free

Let's get in my car

And I will take you for a ride

Go to the bar and greet all the costumers inside

I won't forget all all that you've than for my life

My only hope is you're up there chasing butterflies

Oh oooh oooh oh

Oh oooooohh

Oh ooh oooh oh

Through all the hard times you were right there by my side

And when I needed answers well I just look into your eyes

Now I don't know all the love you felt inside

My only hope is you're up there chasing butterflies

Oh oh oooh oh

Oh oooooohh

Oh oh oooh oh

I know we'll be together another day another time

But until then just keep on chasing butterflies

But until then just keep on chasing butterflies

Oh oh oooh oh

Oh oooooohh

Oh oh oooh oh 

HAPPY HEAVENLY 18TH BIRTHDAY MY FOREVER ANGEL & FRIEND!! 🐾🕊

NOTHING CAN EVER PART US FOR YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY HEART!! 💓

I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS NO MATTER WHAT!!! 🖤🤍💔