NF JOURNEY: TIME & RETURNS

Song(s): Time & Returns

Artist: NF

UGH. I'M SICK AGAIN! I started this NF Journey being sick and now I'm nearing the end sick. It's just a cold but STILL. For someone who rarely gets sick, this is NO BUENO. My throat is so sore it kept me up all night long, I've completely lost my voice and I had chills and body aches last night (not so much now but my back is still aching). Oh well. Being sick and isolated in my room gives me a legitimate excuse to listen to NF all day so maybe I can finally finish listening to his catalog and be caught up and ready for the new album HOPE next month!! 🎉

I've heard both of these songs at least once but have no memory of either of them...so I get to listen/react to them as if it were my first time all over again! I LOVE that!!

Time

OK, I remember this one now! From the lyrics, I get the impression he's speaking about how his trauma and mental health takes a toll on his relationship with his wife. I mentioned in an earlier post how sometimes I get jealous that people who suffer with the same mental health issues as I do -or more- can at least force themselves to put themselves out there and meet people; have friends, get married, work hard at a job they feel passionate about, etc. It makes me think that I really must be the only one at my age to have nothing. And to have had nothing for so long....I acknowledge that's all on me. I did it to myself. I chose to isolate myself and let fear take control and win time and time again. I could have tried harder, I know that. I'm trying not to let myself dwell on it and feel sorry for myself. I don't have time to feel sorry anymore. I gotta start making the changes NOW. Leave the past in the past and try to create a better future.

Sorry! I don't know where that tangent came from! Anyway, ultimately the message of the song is trying to heal and improve yourself for the ones you love. Even if I don't have a romantic partner, I do have people I love and who love me that I want to get better for. I know I cause them a lot of distress and worry. One of my biggest regrets is that both of my grandparents who passed last year are never going to see me move forward and excel in life; get married, have kids, have a successful job, etc. I distinctly remember overhearing my grandpa express his concern and worry over me to my mom once...it made me feel so ashamed and defensive and sad all at once. It was the worst feeling. I never felt like a disappointment to him, he always expressed his love for me, but still. I'll never be able to forget that. It even led me to sometimes act distant toward him afterwards because I had been offended. But this is another tangent and "room" in "my mansion" that I don't want to open up right now...

I had no idea this song would bring up so much! I like the song for the most part but it's also...putting me in a weird mood. I read a comment recently on a NF youtube video (not totally sure which one) that I feel sums up exactly the way I'm feeling right now, not just with this song, but with many. Here's part of it: "One thing I noticed as I was listening to his music...his music forced me to look inside myself and confront all the trauma I had as a child. It was a rough journey, the more I listened to him the worse my mental health became because it forced me to confront everything. I didn't handle any of it in a healthy way for years, just shoved it down deeper..." I know it's not totally the same thing but this comment resonated with me. I love when I relate to songs but it can be depressing too. And I agree that it's forcing me to confront a lot of my issues...more than I've ever been willing to even admit I have.

I am all over the place here! I gotta get my thoughts out, even when they're jumbled and don't make sense. It's my therapy.

Even if we both break down tonight

And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry

I know everything will be alright

I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing

I just need...

A little time to show you I'm worth it

I know that I can be a difficult person

I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I'm workin'

Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it

Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon

Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you

Actin' like I'm gone, but we both in the same room

I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to

And I know I make you feel like you're at the end of your rope

That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone

Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know

I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul

Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place

Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase  😭💔

When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away  ✋

But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes even if-

Even if we both break down tonight

And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry

I know everything will be alright

I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing

I just need...

Time (Oh)

I, I need time (Oh, oh)

I just need time (Oh)

I, I need time (Oh)

Time (Oh), time (Oh)

Yeah, way before I bought you the ring

We were fighting back and forth like you were wearin' the thing

Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think

Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree

You know me well, sittin' on the edge of my seat

Lookin' at life, overanalyzin' everything

Always depressed, tryna find a better version of me

Searching for somethin' I know's prolly right in front of my feet

Stubborn as me? Maybe not, but you're close to it

Got a lot of issues, I'm tryin' to work through 'em

Going to therapy for you's somethin' that's worth doin'  💓😭 THAT'S SO SWEET

When I know you been there for me through all of my worst moments  

And I know it hurts knowing that I carry this weight on my chest

Making it difficult for me to open up and connect

Lot of regrets, I apologize for all of the stress

That's not what I meant to do, you know I love you to death even if-  💓 this whole section is dedicated to my family...they've been on this mental health struggle with me for a long, long time 💗

Even if we both break down tonight

And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry

I know everything will be alright

I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing

I just need...

Time (Oh)

I, I need time (Oh, oh)

I just need time (Oh)

I, I need time (Oh)

Time (Oh), time (Oh)

I just need time (Oh)

I, I need time (Oh, oh)

I just need time (Oh)

I, I need time (Oh)

Time (Oh), time (Oh)

Returns

I LITERALLY HAD TO HIGHLIGHT THIS WHOLE SONG BECAUSE HIS BARZ GO SO HARD!!! 🔥🔥🤯🙌 EVERY WORD IS FIIIIIIIRRRRREEEE!!! 🔥🔥 I'M SMOKING FROM ALL THE HEAT!! 🥵 THE BEAT, THE MELODY, THE FLOW THE SWITCH-UPS!!! IT ALL SLAPS! This part is LIT! "I've been looking, think I'm really 'bout to maximize it (Ugh!). There's bullets formed in my mind, they come out my mouth and (Pow, pow, pow). For anyone out there doubting or acting mouthy (Watch, watch, watch). Forget what you heard about me, I've been astounding (Got, got, got)" 🔥💥

This song is getting added to the usual line up in heavy rotation IMMEDIATELY! Add it to the work-out playlist, the motivation playlist, ALL THE PLAYLISTS!! How does he keep getting BETTER?? It's like REAL part 2...or 2.0! Also, can we appreciate the face that he took us from a sad song to this banger?? He knows how to the pick the mood back up after he's made us fall to our knees in despair!

What is perfect? Not me   🔥 RIGHT OFF THE BAT!

I've been overworkin' for weeks

I go home then purchase some things

That I know will not fill my needs

Have a dose of what I've achieved

Then get lonesome and I critique

Who I am and what I believe

Make up standards too high to reach  🔥🔥😱 SO ACCURATE

Untrained animal off the leash

I'm in panic, but yet relieved

Brought your hammock to hang with me?

Grab a hatchet, cut down your tree

Like a mannequin that can speak

What I have in store is unique

I just mop the floors with MCs

I can't stop until things are clean

I'm an amateur's what you think

So you stand there in disbelief

'Til I dislocate both your feet

That's what happens, you step to me

Not too graphic, but not PG  🔥🔥👊

Lots of action in every scene

I'm kidnapping all of your dreams

Hold 'em hostage and watch 'em scream (Ah!)  😱😱🔥

Grab a side, I am what I advertise

Don't matter how you put it, we live, then we have to die  🔥🔥

You might hate it, but you can't deny

See, everything that I've been doing got me lookin' like a mastermind

It's so vain, but I vandalize that I do what you fantasizin'

Took a vision of my dreams

And then found a better way that I can make it  🙌💪

I've been looking, think I'm really 'bout to maximize it (Ugh!)

There's bullets formed in my mind, they come out my mouth and (Pow, pow, pow)

For anyone out there doubting or acting mouthy (Watch, watch, watch)

Forget what you heard about me, I've been astounding (Got, got, got)  💥💥 THAT WAS SO COOL

Something for you thinking you might run circles 'round me

Yeah, ain't this all I ever wanted?

That's a fact, no, that's a lie, no

I'm confused, yeah, I got problems

What's the use? Yeah, let's be honest

Screws are loose, I need 'em tightened

Not amused, yeah, look what I did

Brought you something, hope you like it  💓💗💕

So precise, the flow the nicest

So productive, stop your whining

Back in style like I was vinyl

I make songs and they go viral

Something's off if I go idle  👊

"Been so long," yeah, okay, I know

Take your shoes off, you're in my home

You got fans, but not like I do, yeah (I do, I do)  🙌💗

Thankful, I try to be, can't contain what's inside of me

They don't like this side of me 'cause I lack in compliancy

I question what I can see if you're not playing my CD

No expiring, I'll decide when I think it's my time to leave (Woo)

Yeah, 'cause they won't retire me, it inspires me to be inspiring  🙌👊🔥💓

When I'm low I feel like I'm spiraling

Pushin' forward, look, I can't ignore it

There ain't no I in team, but drop the T and A

Sometimes, if I'm bein' honest, feels like it's only me  🔥🤯

No defeat, notably, better have it right if you're quoting me

Write my name on your hit list, it might be the last time you wrote something

Rip that cocky smile right off your face for thinking you're close to me  💣💥

Grab a can of gasoline, light it all over your self-esteem  🔥🔥

Selfishly watching y'all helplessly pretend you're on my planet  😱🔥

Shoot you out of the sky like you're punchlines, you are not landin'

Gun jammin', reach in your mouth and rip out your tongue after tongue

Lashings, I hand 'em out like pamphlets in church, Pastor

Show up to my funeral wearin' all black, and what's happenin'?

I look around and wonder, "Where my fans at?"

Oh Lord, they know me so well, they know I'm not in that casket

Trash bag is probably buried somewhere full of my ashes  🔥🤯 "When I die, put my ashes in the trash bag"

My music's superb, playin' with words, play with my nerves

They gon' have a list of issues long as my shirts

Very absurd, very disturbed

Stare at the Earth like, "This is not the place I was birthed"  🔥🔥 SO TRUE

I'm generic, you sure?

Oh, they think I'm very reserved

'Til I open up on the beat like on my Therapy work  ❗❗

I don't care what you heard, real scary, carry the verse

While I'm wearin' my merch, stompin' on your arrogant turf  🔥

Sit back and observe, nah, I like to actually work  🔥👊

This life's so unpredictable, it just keeps pitching me curves

I take a swing, I hate the things that make me feel like I'm dirt

I've patiently been waitin', please, I think it's time for my turn

My expertise are melodies, they talk to me when I'm hurt

Just let me be, eventually someday they'll see what I'm worth  🔥🔥😱💣💥 *GASPING* BARZZ

I cross my I's and dot my T's, it makes no sense, but I've learned  😂🔥

Normal to you is not to me, the outcast finally returns (Returns, returns)  😱💀🤯🔥💣💥👊🙌 ON THE FLOOR - CAN'T BREATHE - SEND HELP❗❗ WE DO NOT DESERVE YOU G.O.A.T. 👑🙇