Grateful For Music Challenge Day 6

I had an extremely difficult weekend. Scratch that. It was an extremely difficult week. I have barely been keeping myself from drowning in the depths of my depression. Like, my head is bobbing just above the surface, at any moment I feel like I'll go under. I have been swallowed up in my guilt and shame for my thoughts, actions and behaviors of my past and present. I have hated myself every single day. I keep failing. I have been failing my entire life it seems. It doesn't feel like it's ever going to end. Am I always going to be like this? 

And then I watched an episode of The Chosen. In this scene, Mary Magdalene is expressing her disappointment in herself for returning to a past sin, something she knew was wrong but did it anyway. She felt hopeless and helpless. She felt she had betrayed the Messiah, who had healed her of an earlier affliction. She didn't think she was worthy, that she was past forgiveness. Jesus's answer to Mary touched me so deeply and felt so personal for what I am currently going through and how I have been feeling this week, it brought tears to my eyes. The bolded text below is Jesus's answer to Mary's confessions:

"I'm so ashamed. You redeemed me and I just threw it all away."

"Well, that's not much of a redemption if it can be lost in a day, is it?"

"I owe you everything...I just don't think I can do it."

"Do what?"

"Live up to it. Repay you. How could I leave, how could I go back to the place I was?...I just can't live up to it."

"Well, that's true. But you don't have too. I just want your heart, the Father just wants your heart. Give us that, which you already have. And the rest will come in time. Did you really think you'd never struggle or sin again? I know how painful that moment was for you."

"I shouldn't."

"Someday. But not here...look up, look at me. I forgive you. It's over."

The Lord only wants my heart. He doesn't expect me to be perfect. He just needs me to trust Him. When he said, "I know how painful that moment was for you" I was struck with the thought that Christ knows exactly how painful my week has been for me. Because He has felt it too. He knows the regret and shame I have felt. And I just know that Christ has forgiven me and will always forgive me as I come to Him "with a broken heart and contrite Spirit." (2 Nephi 2:6-7). As I choose Him every day, because I know He always chooses me. It also made me think of the woman taken in adultery and Christ's tender, compassionate response to her very public shame, "Neither do I condemn thee: Go, and sin no more." See this post for a perfect song to go along with this message of forgiveness and grace.

I just wanted to record this sacred experience I had today after a brutal week. And plug The Chosen because it's the best depiction of Christ I have ever seen and is so worth watching! 🙏🤍

OK, on to today's song!

Song: God Help The Outcasts

Artist: Mat & Savanna Shaw

This song goes along pretty perfectly with my "tender mercy spiritual experience" above. It always surprises me that this stunning, spiritual song is from the Disney film The Hunchback of Notre Dame which is a pretty dark movie. I have been loving this cover by the father-daughter duo who has officially joined the ranks of Josh Groban and Mindy Gledhill when it comes to my Gratitude/November music faves. This song brings tears to my eyes, especially that third verse, which is not featured in the Disney version. I think everyone can relate to the message of feeling like an "outcast" in some way or another. I felt it poignantly this week as I hid myself away and cried myself to sleep. I am grateful for the peace Christ brings to my life. 🙏🤍 

I don't know if You can hear me

Or if You're even there

I don't know if You will listen

To a humble prayer

They tell me I am just an outcast

I shouldn't speak to You

Still, I see your face and wonder

Were You once an outcast, too?

God help the outcasts

Hungry from birth

Show them the mercy

They don't find on earth

The lost and forgotten

They look to You still

God help the outcasts

Or nobody will

I ask for nothing

I can get by

But I know so many

Less lucky than I

God help the outcasts

The poor and down trod

I thought we all were

The children of God

I don't know if there's a reason

Why some are blessed, some not

Why the few You seem to favor

They fear us

Flee us

Try not to see us

God help the outcasts

The tattered, the torn

Seeking an answer

To why they were born

Winds of misfortune

Have blown them about

You made the outcasts

Don't cast them out

The poor and unlucky

The weak and the odd

I thought we all were

The children of God

You know I had to include the original 😊