Grateful For Music Challenge Day 5

Song: Anti-Hero

Artist: Taylor Swift

This is probably the most "basic white-girl" song I have ever posted! 😆 I'm not the biggest Taylor Swift fan but I also don't dis-like her. I loved her first couple of albums back in my teenage years where dreaming of romance was easier and seemed more like possibility. Nowadays however, I can't relate to anything she puts out since I have no social life whatsoever and all of her songs are about relationships of one kind or another (romance, heartache, betrayal, etc.). 

Anyway, my sister showed me this song a few days ago (I'm sure I would have heard it eventually since Taylor Swift is everywhere always) and I actually related to the lyrics. It's basically about mental health and the way it affects how you feel and think about yourself and how you perceive others to think about you. I, obviously, can relate. The first verse is probably my favorite part, "I have this thing where I get older just never wiser." FACTS 💯 "Midnights become my afternoons." Story of my life! When I look at the clock and realize it's midnight, I'm literally not phased by it at all. And maybe that's why I can't seem to fall asleep! I'm still alert and active, burning the midnight oil at 12, 1 in the morning and then wnder why I can't fall asleep until 4 AM! 😫

It's exhausting. When you truly know "I'M the problem, it's ME" but you don't know what to do about it or how to fix it. Constantly feeling guilty and ashamed for just being yourself. Because you don't like yourself and wish you could be anything but. At least, that's what I hear. 

Last night and this morning were horrible! When I finally dragged myself out of bed at 12:35 in the afternoon I told myself I'm DONE. I'm going to stop doing this to myself! I began quoting Man in the Mirror to myself as a mantra. "I'm gonna make a CHANGE. For ONCE in my life." I hope I actually can. I hope I actually do. Because, it's "exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero." Can I just be my own freakin' superhero and save myself from this cycle of constant self-destruction!? No one else is coming, you've been sitting around waiting for long enough! So pull yourself UP by the bootstraps, dust off your cape and SAVE YOURSELF ALREADY! 👊 

I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices, I end up in crisis

(Tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

(For the last time)

It's me

Hi

I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime

Everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I'm a monster on the hill

Too big to hang out

Slowly lurching toward your favorite city

Pierced through the heart but never killed

Did you hear my covert narcissism

I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman?

(Tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving and life will lose all its meaning

(For the last time)

It's me

Hi

I'm the problem, it's me

(I'm the problem, it's me)

At teatime

Everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money

She thinks I left them in the will

The family gathers 'round and reads it

And then someone screams out

"She's laughing up at us from hell!"

It's me

Hi

I'm the problem, it's me

It's me

Hi

I'm the problem, it's me

It's me

Hi

Everybody agrees

Everybody agrees

It's me

Hi (Hi)

I'm the problem, it's me

(I'm the problem, it's me)

At teatime (Time)

Everybody agrees

(Everybody agrees)

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero