Grateful For Music Challenge Day 18

Song: Awake 

Artist: Josh Groban

Last night was really rough 😢 My sister sent me an amazing video she made in memory of my dog. I SOBBED😭 I love it and appreciate it but I can't watch it without feeling heartbroken. 💔 I can't watch it without tears. Living those memories again through the pictures and videos are wonderful but also depressed me deeply. I sobbed the way I did the night before the inevitable happened. I sobbed like I did the day he slipped away. I'm holding back tears right now as I write. I wish I had just one more day, one more moment with him. It's a pain unlike any I've ever known. I wish more than ever he was here with me. I'm already feeling worried about the upcoming holidays with relatives who make me feel insecure and unseen coming. My dog was my escape and my companion. Nothing has felt the same since he's been gone. There's an emptiness inside that can't be filled. 

This song describes the way I felt the last night I spent with my dog. I wish I could have stayed awake with him all night, hugging him close and feeling his kisses on my face. But I knew it was better for him if he slept...he didn't cough so much then which meant he wasn't suffering as much. I still can't get over the fact that I'll never see him or hold him again. 😭 It's more than I can bear! I miss him so much it hurts all over!!

The other day I listened to Josh's song River. And then I re-watched the interview (that I included in that same post) where Josh spoke about his dog. In that interview he said his dog was 14 years old. That interview was at least 3 years old. I remember actually getting teary watching that interview for the first time because I knew exactly what he meant when he said his dog was his best friend and that he was still doing well (despite his age). Every year my dog got older, it was always hard for me acknowledge that he was aging; becoming slower, losing more and more of his sight and hearing, etc. I saw him as "forever young." He was still my happy, playful puppy who loved to go on long walks with me. And he really was all the way to the end 😢 Anyway, I decided to google Josh Groban's dog and see if he were still around. I discovered that his beloved dog Sweeny passed last year at 16. Both our dogs were the same age (though I was blessed to have mine for one year longer). I sobbed reading Josh's heartfelt farewell tribute on instagram. I related to every single word so strongly, I have to share it below. It conveys my feelings perfectly:

From Josh Groban's Instagram account (italicized and bolded passages are words and phrases that I wish I could have written but that I agree wholeheartedly with it feels like my own words):

"On March 13, 2004 a fluffy, wiggly, explosion of love entered my life. Holding him in my arms the first time, taking him home, introducing him to my world and him immediately trusting me to become his. It was the beginning of what would become one of the greatest soul connections of my life.

Anyone who has loved a pet understands that the time you spend together...the boundless joys of the celebrated moments, the quiet calm during the storms, its a bond unlike anything else. They are family. For 16 extraordinary years I watched him grow...from a rascal puppy to an adventure buddy to a calm and dignified senior dog slowed only by tired body, never by his sharp mind. The time has flown far too fast. After many months of showing the kind of strength and willpower to keep moving I can only hope to have one day, his body had enough. Sweeney passed away late Tuesday night. I am grateful beyond measure to have been with him in his final moments. He’s back to running in the wind.

I am deeply heartbroken. I will be for some time. But the grief of loss is the price we pay for the gift of love. It is worth every tear and I will miss him every day. 

I guess it's true what they say... "Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." I love you puppy! I miss you with every beating of my heart and I think of you every day, but I know we'll see each other again! 🖤🤍💔

A beautiful and blinding morning

The world outside begins to breathe

See clouds arriving without warning

I need you here to shelter me

And I know that only time will tell us how

To carry on without each other

So keep me awake to memorize you

Give me more time to feel this way

We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me today

If I could make these moments endless

If I could stop the winds of change

If we just keep our eyes wide open

Then everything would stay the same

And I know that only time will tell me how

We'll carry on without each other

So keep me awake for every moment

Give us more time to be this way

We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me today

We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here, right now, with me

All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see

We can't stay like this forever

But I have you here today

And I will remember

Oh I will remember

Remember all the love we shared today