Bad For Me

Song: Bad For Me

Artist: Hanson, Animal Instincts (2018)

So if you must know... if you remember my "Week of Mourning" cleeeeaaaaar back in January I talked about a little girl I nannied for for almost 10 years (this year would have been my 10th). I knew I probably wasn't going to watch her anymore and I was really disappointed and sad but decided that I was going to take that week to mourn that old chapter in my life and then move on. Well, I haven't done that. I held on to a little thread of hope that maybe I'd get one more summer with her. I thought it very possible and I got myself excited. I hadn't heard from the family so I decided to be brave and reach out and see what they're plans were for the summer. And it turns out, they don't need me. Deep down, I knew that was going to be the case. I tried to prepare myself for that answer clear back in January! But it still SUCKED to have it confirmed. This summer is going to be an adjustment. My first time not being with her. 

I think this song works for my relationship with my "little girl" because I happened to pass her while out on a walk a few weeks ago. She barely acknowledged me and looked mortified to even have to speak to me! I can't lie, it hurt my feelings. I practically helped raise her! But she's over me. And I'm sure she's thrilled that I won't be coming over this summer. She's free of me. So, taking all the "romance" out of this song again, it's a beautiful ballad about the loss of love. At least on one side. I would have still loved to have seen her and spent time with her this summer! She on the other hand, would not. My emotional attachment to this little girl is "bad for me." *PLEASE don't think I'm a creeper! My love for this kid is pure and innocent. She's like a sister or daughter to me and that's it! She's been in my life so long, it's hard and sad to see that coming to an end* 😞

I think one reason I wanted so badly to go back again is because it's something "safe" and "familiar." I've done it for so long. Now, the future is unknown and that's scary! I'm really nervous about what it holds for me. I've also been facing a lot of "loss" this year and this is just another one of those things I've lost. Everything around me keeps changing. Everything and everyone but me. Change is really hard and scary for me. I've never been good at it.

Isaac SLAYS this song! His emotions are so real and raw and I feel every word. 💔

Starts at minute 2:40

Love you Ike!! 💚😍

I wish I could let her go

Without believing she's gone

Every broken heart knows the feeling

Of loving when you should be moving on

Saying these words I choke

Like breathing in cigarette smoke

For every moment of bliss

There were ten times that she led me to the rope

Now I see

This love is bad for me

This love is bad for me

I don't care where she's gone

When I have her in my arms

I tell her I would never leave her

Even though she is the one that's leaving every time

She left me on a Monday

Without ever saying why

And came back on a Wednesday

Just because she changed her mind

And the love we made on Thursday

You know it made me blind to see

Now I see

This love is bad for me

By now I should see it coming

But she fools me every time

When you love someone it's easier

Believing in the lie

I can't help but seeing why they say

That true love is too blind to see

This love is bad for me

Now I see

This love is bad for me

This love is bad for me

HAPPY HANSON MONTH!!

2021