When I Am Afraid

Song: When I Am Afraid - Psalm 56: 3&4

Artist: Steve Green

OK. So, this song is from a Christian kids album called Hide 'Em In Your Heart by a guy named Steve Green. Basically, they're bible verses put to song to help kids learn about Jesus and the scriptures better. So why am I, a 28 year old adult, posting a child's song today? Because I need it. And the simplicity of the song is so pure and sweet and true. 

I have been having a mental breakdown the past couple of days (since Wednesday to be exact....wow, it's felt so much longer than that....). I have a family member who recently tested positive for Corona virus. I was tested yesterday and am anxiously awaiting my results.* My biggest concern and worry about this whole situation is for my dog. He is 16 years old with underlying health conditions. I googled if dogs could contract the virus and... unfortunately they can!! It's rare and has only happened in a few (known) instances but needless to say, I have been feeling anxious and paranoid all week!! Last night, I had a full-on panic attack! I was pacing my house at 1 in the morning trying to calm my racing thoughts and heart. My dog is my world, my reason for still being here. I know it's inevitable, he will leave me someday. He will go before I do. He has lived a good, long life. But, I KNOW it's not his time! Not yet. My relationship with God has been tested the most and grown the most with concerns over my dog. I know in my heart that my Father above knows the exact timing for every, living thing on this planet. I know that my Father is merciful and understanding even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else. My sweet puppy can't go because of Corona virus. He wouldn't have made it this long and this far just for something as novel and unprecedented as this pandemic to be the reason. I still need him. And I know my Heavenly Father knows that. I have to believe that He will protect my dog and allow him to fulfill his mission here on earth (which, I believe, is to be here for me until I'm ready. To help me make it to a place where I can be OK without him. And I'm not there yet). I'm fasting today for my dog. For myself. I believe in the power of faith, prayer and fasting. I'm not perfect in my faith. I still doubt and fear like crazy and have a really hard time getting myself to calm down and just give myself completely over to trust and faith in God. But I'm trying. My Heavenly Father has never let me down before (even when I thought He has.... looking back, I can truly see that He never did). 

I first heard this album last summer when I was tending some children. I was immediately touched by the sweetness of the words (and catchiness of the tunes!). I was especially impressed when I heard these little, tiny kids (between the ages of 3 & 5) singing along word for word to these scripture verses. They did it with such joy and confidence, trust and faith! This is why kids are the BEST! They don't know how to doubt and fear (yet). All they know is that Jesus said He will help them and loves them and they believe it, no questions asked. I'm so grateful I got to hear these sweet songs. I hope to share them with my own children someday so they can start building a life of faith, even at such a young age. 

This song immediately popped into my head today as I have gone back forth between peace and confidence and then worry and distress. As I have wrestled with my faith these past several days. I know I can trust in the Lord. Because He's been there for me every time before. As long as I am trying and doing my very best, everything will work out. Everything will be alright. This is my testimony. 

When I am afraid, I will trust in you,

I will trust in you,

I will trust in you.

When I am afraid, I will trust in you,

in God whose word I praise.

When I am afraid,

I will trust in you,

I will trust in you,

I will trust in you.

When I am afraid I will trust in you,

in God whose word I praise.

In God I trust, when I am afraid.

In God I trust, in God whose word I praise

When I am afraid,

I will trust in you,

I will trust in you,

I will trust in you.

When I am afraid I will trust in you,

in God whose word I praise.

I TRUST YOU LORD I REALLY DO!

*UPDATE* 10/19/20: I got my results and they are: NEGATIVE! NEGATORY! NADA! I can't even begin to express how grateful I am!! All that stress, fear and worry (I'm still feeling the side-effects of all the pent up stress I put myself through this past week! I need to do some yoga and meditating or something!) for nothing! I wish I didn't have to put myself through that panic and distress every time something happens... I really struggle with over-reacting.... I've gotta work on that! My prayers have been answered and I am so, so grateful! I'm still going to be taking precautions for the next week or so (just in case) but I feel so much more at peace now!