Learn to be Lonely

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Song: Learn to be Lonely
Artist: Mimi Rodgers from The Phantom of the Opera

 This has been a rough week.

Since Monday, I have just been feeling extra depressed about everything in my life. I've felt like crap all day long. Everyone is annoying. I hate everyone. I hate life.

I've been feeling really hopelessly lonely as of late. I have no one. And I'm sorry but, I don't want to keep counting my family! Don't get me wrong, I love them and I am grateful for them, but I need other people outside of just my family. I want to know what friendship feels like again. I want to know what having a crush feels like or knowing what if feels like to know someone has a crush on me. I want to be in love. I want to kiss and hug and hold someone. I want to feel loved and wanted and desired.

I want to find purpose and meaning in my life. I have no idea what I want to do with my life (career wise). I didn't go to college, so I'm not smart and I don't have good credentials that could get me a good job. Everything sounds so .... boring to me. I am a very creative and independent person. I want to do something that will help and benefit children who suffer. I want to make a difference for them. But I don't know how to do that because I'm too afraid to speak up or even try. 

 I feel like I'm standing on a ledge and I just want to jump.

I truly feel like I'm always going to be alone. That I'm never going to overcome. That no one will ever really come to love me or even just like me. I feel I am unlovable. And maybe that's from years of hating myself every, single day but it makes me sad. It makes me sad that I'm pretty sure my own parents don't believe I will ever find love either. I don't have anyone to talk too. I don't have anyone who understands me or who takes my side and empathizes with me or just lets me be me, even when I'm being ridiculous. I'm just completely and utterly alone. 


Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you?
Comfort and care for you?
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You've always known
Your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone

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