Mad World
Song: Mad World
Artist: Peter Hollens
I just overheard two people talking about me and my problems and how they are "concerend" about me. I'm pissed. Why not come talk to me about how you feel instead of talking about me behind my back!? Today has sucked. I've wished death over continuing to attempt at living. I'm owning my feelings right now and being real "I don't want to live." I have no desire to keep living. I don't have suicidal thoughts, I just don't want to be here anymore. I feel very alone. I asked God for either death or that he send me a friend. I want love. I want friendship. I just pray that someone could love and accept me for who I am, my past and all my scars. It's not pleasant. It's messy, it's pathetic and it's sad.
Anyway, this song came to mind as I sat wallowing after over-hearing my life being discussed. Everyone likes to talk about how I have no life and all I do is sit around and avoid things, but they never come talk to me. They know and I know that they know what I'm doing. So why isn't anyone saying anything? Everyone is only gossiping, just talking about it. No one wants to do the hard things. No one wants to deal with the tears and pain and anger and all that emotional crap. Maybe they don't want to fully acknowledge how far under I am in the ocean of depression and mental health illness. Because that would scare/upset them. I live with it every freaking day, so I don't have any empathy or compassion or even fear for myself. I just live with self-hatred day in and day out.
"I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world
Artist: Peter Hollens
I just overheard two people talking about me and my problems and how they are "concerend" about me. I'm pissed. Why not come talk to me about how you feel instead of talking about me behind my back!? Today has sucked. I've wished death over continuing to attempt at living. I'm owning my feelings right now and being real "I don't want to live." I have no desire to keep living. I don't have suicidal thoughts, I just don't want to be here anymore. I feel very alone. I asked God for either death or that he send me a friend. I want love. I want friendship. I just pray that someone could love and accept me for who I am, my past and all my scars. It's not pleasant. It's messy, it's pathetic and it's sad.
Anyway, this song came to mind as I sat wallowing after over-hearing my life being discussed. Everyone likes to talk about how I have no life and all I do is sit around and avoid things, but they never come talk to me. They know and I know that they know what I'm doing. So why isn't anyone saying anything? Everyone is only gossiping, just talking about it. No one wants to do the hard things. No one wants to deal with the tears and pain and anger and all that emotional crap. Maybe they don't want to fully acknowledge how far under I am in the ocean of depression and mental health illness. Because that would scare/upset them. I live with it every freaking day, so I don't have any empathy or compassion or even fear for myself. I just live with self-hatred day in and day out.
"I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world
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