✨BIRTHDAY 31💖

"It's day one of 30 🌻✨

Who am I?"

I asked myself that question one year ago today. Who am I?

365 days later...and I still don't know. I didn't do as much "self-discovery" as I would have liked. 

But, today is a NEW day. The start of a NEW beginning!

It's day one of 31 💖

Who am I?

I am a girl who deeply loves music. Music that stirs her soul. A girl who feels music to her core.

I am a girl who still reads fairytales. And believes in magic. Who loves all things nostalgic and whimsical.

I am a girl who loves good food. Who desires to become a better chef. Who enjoys seeking out new recipes to try and share with others.

I am a girl who loves to get lost in a good book.

I am girl who loves any reason to celebrate and gets thrilled for any and every holiday. Who dedicates songs and playlists to the holidays and seasons and tries to immerse herself in each one through the sights, sounds and cheesy activities. 

I am a girl who loves animals and children and feels comforted in their presence.

I am a girl who enjoys long walks and bike rides, especially in the crisp, coolness of autumn. 🍂

I am girl who desires freedom from her fear. A girl who longs to be seen and understood; accepted and loved. 

I guess I'm a pretty simple girl with simple desires and passions. I'm OK with that. But I long for more. I know there's more to me than meets the eye; that I choose to share with others...that I even know myself. 

And that's what I'm hoping to discover in this next year. That "more." 

My birthday so far has been so beautiful and lovely and there's still so much more to come! I'm grateful I have family to celebrate with today. 

BIRTHDAY DEDICATION SONG: RUNNING
ARTIST: NF

It had to be an NF song! Exactly one month ago today I was at his concert in celebration of today, my birthday! It's serendipitous. And perfect. 

I woke up early this morning and went back through all nine of my past birthday posts. It makes me sad that I've been so negative for so long. That I was freaking out about being so "old" at 24, 25, etc! 🙄 But the music was all GREAT! I compiled all of those past birthday songs into a small playlist and listened to them all on my walk this morning. It was a lot of fun! I still love all of those songs to this day! Then I added today's song. It made me cry. I'm so ready to be done "running." From fear. From pride. From self-pity and shame. I'm breaking free. This is it. This is the time. NO MORE. I'm no longer going to be held captive by FEAR and all his allies. I'm "taking the reins." It's not going to be easy and Fear, Pride, Pity and Shame will always be nearby, lingering in the corners of my mind. Sometimes they will probably even emerge and take control again. But I'm NOT going to succumb to them anymore!! I'm going to take charge of my life! I'm going to accept my past and embrace my future! I'm going to live authentically and honestly. I'm going to OWN my past and my mistakes; my quirks and my passions. I'm going to slowly begin to open myself up and be vulnerable; asking for help when I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom. I won't lie, it's scary. I've hidden behind my fear and pride for so long, they've become security blankets in a twisted way. It's going to be hard to not stay hidden in their shadows and allow them to make all of my decisions for me. But it will be worth it. This is my new beginning...

"There's happiness on the horizon...I've hesitated all my life but I'm all done." 💖🌄✨

I'm tired

Of holding on to you, it's time to let

My pride

Go and learn to love myself again

I don't wanna wait another day, I've waited long enough

I'm ready I can see the sun, it's coming up

There's happiness on the horizon

I'm hopeful I can see the light, I've

Hesitated all my life but I'm all done

I'm done running from you

Spent my whole life in your shadow

Scared of who I'd be if I

Yeah

Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside

And watch you sabotage the two of us

I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my

Life in this darkness, I'm done

I'm done

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested

In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much

I don't wanna lose ya

I don't wanna keep ya

I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya

Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth

You know I'd be better without ya

Been in your shoes, don't be a fool

And try to convince me that I'm the

Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're

Holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself, I

Don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just

Let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved

I am not gonna stand aside

And watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage

What little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I sacrificed enough for you?

Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running

From you

Spent my whole life in your shadow

Scared of who I'd be if I

Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside

And watch you sabotage the two of us

I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my

Life in this darkness, I'm done

I'm done

NF sang this song at the concert I attended and it was truly a healing, beautiful, united moment I'll never forget!✨ All of us shouting at FEAR that we're DONE RUNNING was powerful!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 🎂🥳🎉

Here's to your NEW BEGINNING!! 

Go make the BEST of it!!

No more RUNNING.

It's time to start LIVING!!

31 💖🌄✨

2023