30 on the 30th

Song: Curtains

Artist: Ed Sheeran

I was this close 🤏 to sending  these lyrics to my sister when she reached out asking if I was OK when I wasn't: "Are you alright? Maybe, don't ask. 'Cause you know I never like to talk about that. Keep it inside, yeah, you say I always hold back." But I didn't. I didn't because "I keep quiet, so the ones around me don't know that the mountain feels so steep." I wonder what would have happened if I had. What would she have thought? How would she have responded? But there's so much going on right now in my family's life, I didn't want to add more stress. 

I've been having a hard summer. I'm super depressed and I don't know how to get out of it. I need help. I need to "pull the curtains back and see the sunshine." Free myself from this darkness. Climb out of this hole. I don't. I won't. I feel like I can't. But I want to. I want to feel, be, get better. This song addresses pain, anxiety, depression and hiding yourself from the world because of shame and fear. But the chorus is hopeful. That there is light and healing ahead. You just have to find someone who can help you see that. 

Can you pull the curtains?

Let me see the sunshine

I think I'm done with my hiding place

And you found me anyway

It's been forever, but I'm feeling alright

Tears dry and will leave no trace

And tomorrow's another day

Hide and seek

I am somewhere, closed away

You won't believe

How long it's been, since I started the game

I can't be seen

And you won't find me today

I've not been this low but I'll be okay

Are you alright? Maybe, don't ask

'Cause you know I never like to talk about that

Keep it inside, yeah, you say I always hold back

And I always wear long sleeves

Is it in your childhood? Something happen in your past?

Well, the sadness, yeah, I promise that it won't last

And if I could, I would try to take it all back

There's still more underneath

And it's when you say to me

Can you pull the curtains?

Let me see the sunshine

I think I'm done with my hiding place

And you found me anyway

It's been forever, but I'm feeling alright

Tears dry and will leave no trace

And tomorrow's another day

Let me see the sun shine, shine, shine

Let me see the sun shine, shine, shine

Let me see the sun shine, shine, shine

Let me see the sun shine

Hide and seek

Count to ten and close your eyes

Try to breathe

See a message and don't reply

Nice to meet, but in reality, say goodbye

Life can be so beautiful, if you try

Are you okay? Yeah, I guess so

But on some days, I feel like I'm trapped in a hole

But I keep quiet, so the ones around me don't know

That the mountain feels so steep

And I'll say that I'm here to help to carry the load

And the outside rays, they are good for the soul

So let's step out of the dark, 'cause in here, it's so cold

The day's not out of reach

And it's when you say to me

Can you pull the curtains?

Let me see the sunshine

I think I'm done with my hiding place

And you found me anyway

It's been forever, but I'm feeling alright

Tears dry and will leave no trace

And tomorrow's another day

Let me see the sun shine, shine, shine

Let me see the sun shine, shine, shine

Let me see the sun shine, shine, shine

Let me see the sun shine