NF JOURNEY: LEAVE ME ALONE

Song: Leave Me Alone

Artist: NF 

Another one of the first NF songs I heard and I've always been a BIG fan of this one!

The past few days I've really been struggling, especially at night and in the mornings when I first wake up. I keep having these mini... panic attacks for lack of a better word, when I'm trying to fall asleep. Two nights ago my whole body felt fuzzy and heavy. I felt like I was having a hard time breathing. Another night my body kept involuntarily making these little jerking movements. When I wake up in the morning, I feel unusually anxious to the point that I feel like I'm going to puke and my breathing is shallow. Once I get myself out of bed, everything goes back to normal and feels fine...until it's nighttime again and I turn out the lights and close my eyes. That's when my stress, regrets and negative thoughts begin to consume me: "I'm not where I want to be, I'm a failure, there's so much I need to change I don't know where to start, is it worth even trying?, why didn't I do/say this, why did I do/say that, what should I do with my life, no one will ever accept me", etc. It's exhausting. And it's making me sick. It takes me hours to fall asleep because I can't shut my brain off. So I wake up feeling exhausted every morning. 

One thing that's had me feeling anxious and depressed is something my mom told me to think about. Our relatives need to re-home their dog and they reached out to see if I want her. There are days I miss having a dog so badly. I miss the companionship and the walks and the feeling of unconditional love and acceptance that you can't find anywhere else. But, I just don't think I'm ready. It still feels too soon. It would feel like a betrayal to my sweet boy. I'm not over it. I'll never be over it. I've been spiraling since my mom told me about the offer. I feel guilty because there's a tiny part of me that almost wants it...but then I don't and I feel defensive and angry like "Why would you even offer me something like this?? No one will ever replace my dog!!" I miss him so much and I don't want anyone else!! 

That was a random tangent but, I'm venting. Music and writing is my "therapy session" and that's what you've entered into when you decide to read my thoughts...SEE THIS IS WHY I'M SO OBSESSED WITH NF RIGHT NOW!! HIS SONGS ARE THE THOUGHTS I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WERE IN MY HEAD, WANTING TO BURST OUT! They are literally a release for me, like THANK YOU. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest simply by listening to his music because the words are finally out.

I've always interpreted the message of this song to be about dealing with mental health and the "voices" in your head. I have a MUCH better understanding of where Nate is coming from now...and it's become even more relatable to me! More than it ever has before and it always was one I connected with on a personal level. I feel like this song is me to myself all day long, all of the time. I wish I could tell my BRAIN, my THOUGHTS to LEAVE ME ALONE!! I can't handle them! It's all too much. The balloons represent depression, anxiety, negative thoughts, doubts and insecurities. All the things I wish I could release but can't. I wish I could be free. I wish my issues would float away like a balloon, but these balloons are full of lead. They're dark and heavy and they ain't ever leaving. SUCH AN INCREDIBLE VISUAL REPRESENTATION ABOUT "CARRYING AROUND" YOUR BAGGAGE!! GAH! IT'S TOO GOOD!!

I've never seen the music video, so I'm excited to see what masterpiece lies in store (especially after Why and The Search!). 

100/10 music video, what's new?? Videography, amazing and consistent. ✅ Nates style and outfit, on point. ✅ THE CREEPY BLACK SMILE painted on his face (and some others) AWESOME! ✅ His facial expressions and acting ✅ ✅ GIVE THE MAN AN OSCAR! 

So, with help from the comment section 😁 it seems that the people wearing white are people who have decided to let go of their "burdens"...whether that be through getting help by going to therapy, through religious convictions, etc. These people represent those who can overcome their burdens as they always seem to have less balloons, where as people wearing black are people who are overwhelmed by their burdens. There's a tent that shows a painting of the black "smile" on it and the people going to the tent are having the "smile" removed from their faces...because they're embracing that they are human. They aren't perfect...but they're no longer carrying it all on their own. 

There's another tent where people wearing dark clothing are entering into and then come out wearing the white clothing!! They are letting go of their past, fears, regrets, mistakes and moving forward! I think...and Nate is walking around watching them and probably wishing he could do the same but it overwhelmed by the "balloons" he is carrying. HE WANTS TO CHANGE BUT DOESN'T KNOW HOW!!

THE SCENE WITH THE OLD MAN SITTING IN THE CART!! IS THAT FUTURE NATE IF HE DOESN'T GET HELP??

Then we see a line of people dressed in white but they're all carrying balloons...and THE ENDING?? 🤯 CLIFFHANGER! Nate goes to the front of the line and takes TWO of his balloons and is shown handing them to someone dressed in white but he DOESN'T LET GO!! HE'S NOT SURE IF HE HAS THE COURAGE TO LET GO!!! 😭 THIS IS BEAUITUFL!! WOW! What a video!! So happy to see his vision after years of listening to this track and coming up with my own thoughts and "visuals." 👏👏 This was SO MUCH BETTER!

(Yeah)

Hey!

Leave me alone (Leave me alone, leave me alone)

Panic-stricken, handle business, not a joke, yeah

Manners missin', travel different, no control, yeah

Time to listen, time to zip it, keep it closed  💯

My description, highly gifted, take some notes, yeah 😱😭

Lack of interest, why'd you visit? Hit the road, yeah

I'm kinda twisted, so keep your distance, be a ghost

Yeah, see I'm inventive, but quite the menace, you ain't know?

Well then I'm offended, let's jog your memories, here we go, yeah

I went from nobody to kinda famous

Hide my plaques inside the closet, I just can't explain it

My wife, she tells me that she's proud and thinks that I should hang 'em

But I just leave 'em on the ground right next to my self-hatred  😱😭

Yeah, yeah, mental health, where's my mental health?

Diagnosed with OCD, what does that mean? Well, gather 'round

That means I obsessively obsess on things I think about

That means I might take a normal thought and think it's so profound (Leave me alone)

Ruminating, fill balloons up full of doubts

Do the same things, if I don't, I'm overwhelmed (Leave me alone)

Thoughts are pacing, they go 'round and 'round and 'round

It's so draining, let's move onto something else, fine (Oh) (Leave me alone)  🙌👊🔥

Runnin' the game, but they don't even know it

Like I'm undercover and don't wanna blow it

I come out of nowhere, they don't even notice

The flow is so cold, you would think it was snowin' (Oh) (Leave me alone)

I'm under the weather, but wind isn't blowin'

I got an umbrella for difficult moments

You got to admit it, I'm very devoted

I'm out in the rain, but it don't always open, so I… (I, I)

Hold up my balloons and cover up my face

I can feel them weighin' on me every day

I should let 'em go and watch 'em float away

But I'm scared if I do, then I'll be more afraid (More afraid)

Tell them how I feel, but they don't wanna change (Don't wanna change)

Tell them how I feel, but they remain the same (Same)

Loosen up my grip, they say that's not okay

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy, leave me alone! (Oh!)  🔥🔥🔥 THIS WHOLE SECTION IS FIIIIRRREE!!

Ayy, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone!)

Woo, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone) (Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone)

I hate when they debate if we're underrated

We're so overlooked that they're lookin' over our numbers, Nathan (Leave me alone)

We don't do enough interviews or go out in public lately

We don't post enough on our socials

To keep the buzz from fading (Leave me alone)

Let it fade, yeah, let it fade

Once it's decimated, then you drop a song outta nowhere

And all the fans embrace it (Leave me alone)

Then the buzz will surface again, it's part of my operation

I don't need advice from my doubts right now

End of conversation (Leave me alone)

Shut your mouth, yeah, shut your mouth

Better tone it down, close it now

If you make a sound, I'ma change the dial (Leave me alone)

Funny how they be acting loud, comin' unannounced

It's floating 'round  🔥🙌 PREACH!!

Man, the kid is wild, pretty vile, true (Leave me alone)

I'm kinda funny but don't really show it

I keep it together but have a disorder

I go to my room and I sit in my corner

And talk to myself in a language that's foreign (Leave me alone)  🔥😭 

I think of a rhyme and I have to record it

But know if I don't, I'll wake up in the mornin'

And question my life again, always avoiding

I hate to be different, but hate to be normal, so I... (Leave me alone)  🔥😭 I'VE NEVER FELT SO UNDERSTOOD!

Hold up my balloons and cover up my face

I can feel them weighin' on me every day

I should let 'em go and watch 'em float away

But I'm scared if I do, then I'll be more afraid

Tell them how I feel, but they don't wanna change (Wanna change)

Tell them how I feel but they remain the same (They remain the same)

Loosen up my grip, they say that's not okay

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy

Leave me alone!

Ayy, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone)

Woo, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone)

Remember back in "NO NAME," I said fame called? (Yeah, yeah)

Told you I hung up, it kinda felt wrong (Leave me alone) (Wrong, wrong)

Finally called him back, we didn't talk long (No)

He asked me how I'd been, I sent him this song (Leave me alone, quiet, quiet, quiet)

Yeah, think he took offense, he kinda seemed off (Off)

I texted him that night to ask what he thought (Leave me alone, quiet, quiet, quiet)

It took a couple days to get a response

But once I finally did, he said this song sucks (Leave me alone, quiet, quiet, quiet)   🔥🔥😱🤯

Feel the symptoms, couldn't miss 'em, wrestle with 'em

Then I pin and flip 'em, brought some back up

No, well, you should get some (Leave me alone, quiet, quiet, quiet)

Who you dissin'? Mood is switchin', don't come in the kitchen

You should listen, cookin' record for my hands are blisterin'

So persistent, don't forget this, hold the tension, soul is bendin'

No pretendin', open-ended, low percentage, so demented (Leave me alone)

Whole consensus, flow tremendous, no apprentice, dope incentive

Show intensive, so possessive, tone aggressive, watch your step when I... (Leave me alone)  THIS WHOLE SECTION GOES SO HARRRRDDD!!👊💪🔥

Hold up my balloons and cover up my face (Up my face)

I can feel them weighin' on me every day (Yeah, every day)

I should let 'em go and watch them float away (Yeah, float away)

But I'm scared if I do then I'll be more afraid (More afraid)

Leave me alone (Yeah), leave me alone, yeah (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Leave me alone, leave me alone (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Leave me alone, leave me alone (Yeah, leave me alone)

Leave me alone, leave me alone, ayy, leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone)  😳 The creepy laughing in the background adds so much to the evil burden of carrying around fear ohmygosh😱

Ayy, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone)

Woo, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone)

Ayy, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy (Yeah), leave me alone! (Leave me alone, leave me alone)

Woo, yeah

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ayy

Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone

Shout out to this person's ON POINT comment from the Leave Me Alone video: 

I hated rap. This guy made me respect rap. And now I am kinda a fan of rap. So thank you NF 🙂

ME. THAT'S ME 👆👆👆 AMEN.