Grateful For Music Challenge Day 9

Song(s): I Wanna Get Better & I Miss Those Days 

Artist: Bleachers

I feel sick to my stomach. In just a few hours I'm going to go do something that I used to LOVE doing and have missed doing but feel so anxious doing now. It's sad. Most of this anxiety is all in my head, but I can't help it! I'm part dreading tonight, part curious and a whole lotta anxious! I wish I didn't have to feel this way every time a change out of the ordinary occurred, but I do. I mean, I literally can't do anything when I get like this. I just sit and worry and stress and think up every scenario (good and bad) that could happen. I practice things out in my head that won't actually go anything like they will but I try to manifest it. I can't focus on anything else! I can't read, do laundry, clean, watch TV or even listen to music! It makes life so fun. 😒

I Wanna Get Better

This "event" I have coming up tonight has forced me to realize (yet again) how much I hate living like this and that it's time to really start making some serious, BIG changes. I do "want to get better." I just need help figuring out how. "I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change."

Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room

Calling my name and I follow just to find you

I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather

And I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause

I froze in time between hearses and caskets

Lost control when I panicked at the acid test

I wanna get better

While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines

I was losing my mind because the love, the love, the love, the love, the love

That I gave wasted on a nice face

In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet

Counting seconds through the night and got carried away

So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars,

"Hey, I wanna get better!"

I didn’t know I was lonely 'til I saw your face

I wanna get better, better, better, better,

I wanna get better

I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change

I wanna get better, better, better, better,

I wanna get better

I go up to my room and there's girls on the ceiling

Cut out their pictures and I chase that feeling

Of an eighteen year old who didn't know what loss was

Now I'm a stranger

And I miss the days of a life still permanent

Mourn the years before I got carried away

So now I'm staring at the interstate screaming at myself,

"Hey, I wanna get better!"

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face

I wanna get better, better, better, better,

I wanna get better

I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change

I wanna get better, better, better, better,

I wanna get better

'Cause I'm sleeping in the back of a taxi

I'm screaming from my bedroom window

Even if its gonna kill me

Woke up this morning early before my family

From this dream where she was trying to show me

How a life can move from the darkness

She said to get better

So I put a bullet where I shoulda put a helmet

And I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away

That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself,

"Hey, I wanna get better!"

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face

I wanna get better, better, better, better,

I wanna get better

I didn't know I was broken 'til I wanted to change

I wanna get better, better, better, better,

I wanna get better

Her covers are always 10/10! 🤩

I Miss Those Days

The thing I'm doing tonight is also something I have been missing for the past two years. Something I have wished I could go back too. And here I am, sort of getting that chance, and yet, I'm so nervous I feel physically ill! I'm regretting having agreed to this. I feel so stupid! It's sad. What I would give to "pick up a quarter and see my face in it." Go back to 25. That was a pretty good year for me. I mean, in the moment I didn't realize how good things were going and I still "felt lost but I miss those days!" I miss those years where I felt like I had something to do and something to offer. Where I felt wanted and needed and liked and special. I haven't felt that in a long time. And there's no one to blame but myself.

Yeah, we talk about getting older

But there's so much we haven't done yet

Some things, I'm not here, I don't get dressed

And I cursed my bedroom but I left it all alone

'Cause all this time I'm runaway, runaway, runaway, runaway, gone

And everyone is changing

And the storefronts rearranging

I picked up a quarter and I just saw my face

But it's all coming back now

I can feel it isn't over

Hey, I know I was lost but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

I'm talking, la-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

Yeah!

Those days I'd sit on my sister's rooftop

Watching our city burn in to the night

I'm not sure that we were meant to survive

I was sixteen in a van driving myself to Florida

Part of me never left that seat 'cause

Nights that we could stand up for a dream

But everyone is changing

And the storefronts carry weight now

And I'm sorry that you saw me when I lost my way

But it's all coming back, yeah

That the feeling isn't over

Hey, I know I was lost but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

I'm talking, la-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

Kinda feels like everyone is changing

And the storefronts rearranging

I picked up a quarter and I just saw my face

But it's all coming back now

That the feeling isn't over

Hey, I know I was lost but I miss those days

I know I was lost but I miss those, come on

Hey, I know I was lost but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

I'm talking, la-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

I'm talking, la-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

La-la-la-la-la-la-lost, but I miss those days

Wish me luck!🤞🤞 I'll update how things went after it's all (finally) over.

UPDATE: Yeah, it went perfectly fine without a hitch! God blessed me, even though I didn't deserve it. But, yeah, as per usual I was overreacting for no reason and made myself feel sick for days because of my preconceived thoughts and baseless fears. I'm grateful things went so well but I also feel super annoyed with myself! Why do I never learn!?