Grateful For Music Challenge Day 26

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Song: Somewhere In My Memory
Artist: Darren Criss feat. Evan Rachel Wood

It's official....Christmas music is starting early this year here at MIMT! 🎄𝅘𝅥𝅮

I chose this song because my family, my parents and a few of my siblings, set up and decorated our Christmas tree today. It's an annual family tradition that I'm grateful to take part in each year.

After we finished, my parents and I dropped one of my brothers off at the airport, my younger sister left to hang out with her new boyfriend and my youngest brother left with friends. And now, here I am, alone. 

As much as I love this song, it also makes me feel really depressed. And there's something about this cover, as beautiful as it is, that adds to that bittersweet sadness. Everything is changing and will never be the same again. I am now officially the only one who isn't in a relationship and totally, completely alone. This song reminds me of Christmases past when we were all younger and all together. It reminds me of my sweet little dog who was always by my side so I never felt this heavy, utter loneliness. It reminds me of my grandpa who was here every Christmas and who's birthday is coming up in a few short days. He loved Home Alone and we all loved watching him watch it as he laughed until he cried. 💓 It makes me wish I could go back in time and appreciate what I had.

I know life isn't suppose to stay the same. I know I should move on and grow up. I wish I could. But, in my heart of hearts, I wish I didn't have to. I wish none of us did. I wish I was just a normal person who lived a normal life. Who followed the normal path. But I've never been normal. I've never fit in. I often feel I don't fit in with my own family. I don't feel I fit in anywhere. 

I know this post is heavy and jumbled but it's how I've been feeling the past two months. Since I turned 30 I feel like I've been in panic mode and just stressed out of my mind. I don't want to keep living. I'm tired. I need to try to find a reason to keep going. Maybe there's a Christmas miracle waiting for me this year. Maybe I can find a reason to believe again. Believe in a brighter future. Find hope and peace once more. Perhaps reminding myself of the good times that have come before, I'll find it again. 


Candles in the window
Shadows painting the ceiling
Gazing at the fire glow
Feeling that gingerbread feeling

Precious moments
Special people
Happy faces
I can see

Somewhere in my mem'ry
Christmas joys all around me
Living in my mem'ry
All of the music
All of the magic
All of the fam'ly home here with me

Precious moments
Special people
Happy faces
I can see

Somewhere in my mem'ry
Christmas joys all around me
Living in my mem'ry
All of the music
All of the magic
All of the fam'ly home here with me

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