Blue Christmas, HERE (For Christmas), I Need You Christmas & Pin Drop

Song(s): Blue Christmas, HERE (For Christmas), I Need You Christmas & Pin Drop

Artist(s): Elvis Presley, Lukas Graham, Jonas Brothers & Sia

I'm pretty sad and down today. It all started yesterday, which I feel badly about because all of my family was here for our annual gingerbread house making competition (and this year it really WAS a competition with voting and everything! I lucked out getting my super creative brother as a teammate and we ended up winning for our minimalistic, clean, simple Winter Wonderland house!). It was fun in the moment but there were also several times I felt sad and depressed throughout the activities of the night. 

One reason for my sadness is how all my siblings are grown up and moving on. I have two brothers moving out of state come January, one of whom has never moved away from home before so that's going to be really weird without him. He brings so much energy, laughter and VOLUME to our home - especially with its dwindling numbers. My youngest brother will be graduating in MAY and then leaving for over two weeks on a humanitarian trip first part of June and THEN going to college! 

And then there's my sister. My single sister, my best friend through the holidays. Since serving her mission for our church, she has become a different person and I should be happy for her but I just feel jealous. We have always been so similar and close but now she is totally different. She gained a ton of confidence on her mission (which is great! I'm definitely envious about that!) and now all she wants to do is be with her friends all the time. She's obsessed about finding a husband. She's all about working out now and she's lost a lot of weight and looks great! I mean, she's always been beautiful but now she's skinny on top of that! We were always the "chubby"-sugar-obsessed sisters! Now I have two super thin sisters and I'm the overweight one in the middle. Its depressing. I really am happy for her! I know it's wrong of me to be jealous and I feel guilty about it all the time. I'm jealous of her friends and her dating life and her new body and self-control when it comes to eating and sugar and her new healthy eating habits. She's going places, getting jobs and picking up new hobbies and excelling in her social life and I'm not. I'm alone. Since she arrived home from school yesterday she's been constantly texting on her phone and talking about everything she's missing out on with her friends and I just want to shout at her "GO BACK THEN! WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HOME!?" 😡 Oh and I just found out she's spending New Year's Eve/Day with her roomies. First time she won't be with us. 

I feel ashamed and guilty for feeling this way. And I feel lonely. Most of all, I miss my dog 😭 Here come the tears just by mentioning him! I've been missing him a lot this month. I saw a random guy walking his dog the other day while I was in the car and tears instantly filled my eyes and I had to get myself under control before I full on sobbed! This will be my first Christmas without him and I can feel it. I need him more then ever this year and he's gone! I miss him so much it physically hurts. I wish more than anything he was still here. At least I'd have him when my sister ignored me because she's talking with her friends. At least I'd have him with me on New Years Eve. I'd have him to alleviate this pain and loneliness and depression. 

These songs speak to the way I feel this Christmas:

Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley

Dedicated to my puppy dog! I miss you so much!! 😭💔💙

I'll have a blue Christmas without you

I'll be so blue just thinking about you

Decorations of red on our green Christmas tree

Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start fallin'

That's when those blue memories start callin'

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white

But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white

But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

HERE For (Christmas) - Lukas Graham

Also in memory of my best friend 💔 I can't believe it's been so long...

Every year round this time I start to think about you

We're really gonna have another Christmas Eve without you

I can't believe it's been so long

Every day finds a way to make me think about you

Like today when we were picking out the tree without you

I can't believe it's been so long

Oh, we miss you like hell

All the stories that you'd tell

'Bout the boat that you built

But never got to sail

I don't know whether I should

Cry or I should smile through my tears

But if you were here, we would

Sail that boat into the red horizon

Those years lost, I'd tell you all about 'em

Gone don't always mean that you disappear

'Cause inside all of us you're still here

Another year has passed and now it's time for buying presents

I even got you one, forgetting you're not gonna get it

I can't believe it's been so long

This time around we'll try to smile 'cause we're sick of tears

Most days are easy now but it gets hard this time of year

I can't believe you're really gone

Oh, we miss you like hell

All the stories that you'd tell

'Bout the boat that you built

But never got to sail

I don't know whether I should

Cry or I should smile through my tears

But if you were here, we would

Sail that boat into the red horizon

Those years lost, I'd tell you all about 'em

Gone don't always mean that you disappear

'Cause inside all of us you're still...

Wild and free, I've got so many memories

Soon time too will take all of them from me

Gone don't always mean that you disappear

'Cause inside all of us you're still here

When it's dark and it's cold

Everyone is coming home

I just wish you could know

That's when we're missing you the most

I don't know whether I should

Cry or I should smile through my tears

But if you were here, we would

Sail that boat into the red horizon

Those years lost, I'd tell you all about 'em

Gone don't always mean that you disappear

'Cause inside all of us you're still...

Wild and free, I've got so many memories

Soon time too will take all of them from me

Gone don't always mean that you disappear

'Cause inside all of us you're still here

I Need You Christmas  - Jonas Brothers

😢💙

I need you, Christmas

Friends by the fire to hold

Times have been lonely

And lately, I just feel alone

I need you, Christmas

Family with nowhere to go

Angels on treetops and angels in the snow

Oh, the cold

Seasons change, come and go

But there's one thing I know

You'll just stay the same

You don't ever change

I miss the feeling

Waiting for Santa to show

Caroling late at night

And all the children's eyes aglow

I need you, Christmas

Oh, how I miss you the most

Greetings from loved ones

And lovers under mistletoe

Oh, oh, oh

If you're young, if you're old

We all wait to be told

Just a simple phrase

"Have a Merry Christmas"

Ooh, ooh

Christmas, ooh, ooh, ooh

Seasons change, come and go

But there's one thing I hope

You'll just stay the same

'Cause I need you, Christmas

Pin Drop - Sia

The silence in my room right now. I can no longer here the sweet, quiet snoring of my little puppy soundly sleeping next to me. 😭💔🖤🤍

It's Christmas Eve

And I can hear a pin drop

It's Christmas Eve

And I can hear a snowflake fall

It's Christmas Eve

And I can hear a pin drop

Oh oh, it's Christmas Eve

And I don't wanna be alone

On my own, on my own

On my own, on my own

I can hear a pin drop

Santa Claus

Will you be mine?

Santa Claus

Will you be mine?

'Cause I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

And I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I don't wanna be alone

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I don't wanna be alone

(I don't wanna be alone)

It's Christmas Eve

And all along the tree tops

Whoa, it's Christmas Eve

And I can hear the rain, rain, rain

It's Christmas Eve

And I can hear a pin drop, ooh, whoa

It's Christmas Eve

And I don't wanna be alone

On my own, on my own

On my own, on my own

I can hear a pin drop

Santa Claus

Will you be mine?

Santa Claus

Will you be mine?

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I don't wanna be alone

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I can hear a pin drop

(Falling down on Christmas Eve)

I don't wanna be alone

(I don't wanna be alone)

HAVING A BLUE, BLUE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU! 

😭💔💙