Autumn Leaves

Song: Autumn Leaves 🍂

Artist: Ed Sheeran

I was sitting outside a few minutes ago. It's a beautiful autumn day. Perfect weather with a slight breeze. The leaves on the tree in my backyard are turning a brilliant shade of gold and I could see a few fall from the branches to the ground. Truly, a perfect day. 

Tears instantly filled my eyes as I thought about how beautiful and perfect the weather was. This would have been the best day for a walk. With my boy. I would have enjoyed and savored every moment as we strolled through our neighborhood, enjoying the sights and sounds and smells of fall. Feeling the breeze and sunshine on my face. This has always been my favorite time of year for walks. But I didn't go on one today. I haven't gone on one in a long time. It's not the same anymore. And it never will be ever again. That pain hit me like a ton of bricks today in the backyard.

As I soaked in the beauty around me, basking in the perfect warmth of the sun....my thoughts were with my dog and the day he was missing out on. The day we missed out on. As I listened to this song, I couldn't stop my tears and my pain. It washed over me like a sudden downpour of rain. I miss him. So much. Every day is still a struggle. I feel like I have no real joy anymore. My joy is gone. Ripped right out of my heart and from my arms. My dog was my joy. My life. My reason to get out of bed in the morning. The quiet to my storm. Today, I didn't get out of bed until almost 1:00. Fitting since I was up until about 1:00 last night. I have been dealing with many "storms" this week alone. Fear, stress, anxiety. I don't have the sweet comfort and reassurance of my dogs presence, a distraction from focusing soley on myself and my fears every waking minute. I didn't want to get out of bed today because I didn't want to face my reality. I wanted to stay in dreamland as long as possible where I could do and be anything. Where I was brave and didn't feel pain. Where my dog was. Is. 

"Ooh how I miss you ... I miss you and I wish you'd stay ... you're miles away and yesterday you were here with me." 💔

Another day, another life

Passes by just like mine

It's not complicated

Another mind, another soul

Another body to grow old

It's not complicated

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves 🍂

And hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Another tear, another cry

Another place for us to die

It's not complicated

Another love that's gone to waste

Another light lost from your face

It's complicated

Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves 🍂

And hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Ooh how I miss you

My symphony played the song that carried you out

Ooh how I miss you

And I, I miss you and I wish you'd stay

Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you?

Float down

Like autumn leaves 🍂

And hush now

Close your eyes before the sleep

And you're miles away

And yesterday you were here with me

Ooh oh, ooh oh

Ooh oh, ooh oh

Touch down

Like a seven four seven

Stay out and we'll live forever now