Grateful For Music Challenge Day 8

Song: Voices
Artist: Switchfoot feat. Lindsey Sterling

This video just came up in my Youtube feed. It is incredibly powerful and meaningful, especially for me. The visual of the individuals with the awful names and words written on their faces and bodies really hit home for me. They are words that others can say to you and label you with, but for me, they are the words that I write on my heart and soul. They are hateful, self-deprecating thoughts that I repeat to myself on a daily basis, usually multiple times a day. "You are a failure. You are a disappointment. Give up. You can't do it. You're not good enough. You've never been good enough. You never will be. You are ugly. Fat. Awkward. Worthless. Unlovable. No one will want you. No one likes you. No one care about you." It hurts. But I've been saying these things to myself since I was a little girl. It's been so long and the voices have been so loud and unrelenting that I believe in every single one of those statements. It's my truth. This past year, I feel like I have completely given up. I barely try anymore. I feel like I hate everyone. And that's because I hate myself.

I am grateful I saw this video and listened to this song today. I am grateful for the reminder that those words, those thoughts, are lies. They don't define you. That change is possible. That healing is possible. And mostly, I am grateful that I am not alone in this battle. It's my hope that in 2020 I will be able to reach out and find a support group. Find the people who feel like I do. Make friends and be a friend. Help carry another's load and allow them to help me. Because I need help.

My words come out like an avalanche in silence
And you've got oceans trapped in your eyelids
They tell me that no man is an island
But it feels like it's a storm that I've been fighting

And I used to listen to the radio
But I've got an army of voices in my head
Voices in my head
And we used to live in stereo
But I've got an army of voices in my head
Voices in my head

How come the friends and the foes invisible
Are the ones that made my soul most miserable?
Head's reeling from the feeling
In my mind but I feel it in the physical
Why's the sunlight hiding?
Ain't letting any light in
It's a storm that I've been fighting

And I used to listen to the radio
But I've got an army of voices in my head
Voices in my head
And we used to live in stereo
But I've got an army of voices in my head
Voices in my head

And they're singing
I got voices, I got voices
Yeah, I got voices, I got voices

Every moment crowded with choices
Speak to me and drown out the voices

And I used to listen to the radio
But I've got an army of voices in my head
Voices in my head (voices in my head)
And we used to live in stereo
But I've got an army of voices in my head
Voices in my head
Voices