You're Not There

Song: You're Not There
Artist: Lukas Graham

Hi.

I know, I know. It's been a hot minute. I haven't felt like posting much. I haven't felt motivated or inspired. I've mainly been going up and down on my roller-coaster of depression. But I'm back now!

I want to dedicate this song, that I've been slightly obsessed with this past week, to my sister. The words don't totally correspond (thankfully my sister is still alive and with me, she's just not always "there" as in physically. This song is about the death of Lukas Graham's father and how he isn't here to see his son grow up and succeed in life. Very sad but it's a beautiful song) but the message still applies. My sister was visiting with me this past week and I loved spending each and every day with her. I was an emotional wreck saying good-bye this morning. I miss her. I miss having her live at home with me. I miss the old days when we were always together. I hate change. And I know nothing is going to be the same. And I can't help but sometimes feel swallowed up in regret when I think of things that I didn't get to do with her. While she was here or back when we were together.

Every step I take, you used to lead the way, now I'm terrified to face it on my own. - We used to share every minute of every day together. But now she lives 1,000 miles away. She has a new family. She has a job. A life. Without me. I hate being alone, I need her! I need her support and companionship. I'm terrified of facing my challenges on my own. Without her unique ability to comfort me and yet still push me when I need it. When she isn't afraid to ask me the "tough" questions and stays calm and positive when I try to answer the best I can.

You're not there to celebrate the man that you made. 
You're not there to share in my success and mistakes. - Because she lives so far away she isn't always around to celebrate any of my accomplishments or success. She's also not here to help me when I've made mistakes and want to crumple on the floor and give up.
Is it fair? You'll never know the person I'll be.
You're not there with me. - She's not here with me.

I only got you in my stories
And you know I tell them right
I remember you and I, when I'm awake at night

So give it up for fallen glory
I never got to say goodbye
I wish I could ask for just a bit more time

Every step I take, you used to lead the way
Now I'm terrified to face it on my own

You're not there
To celebrate the man that you made
You're not there
To share in my success and mistakes
Is it fair?
You'll never know the person I'll be
You're not there
With me

Though I know that you're not there
I still write you all these songs
It's like you got the right to know what's going on
As I struggle to remember how you used to look and sound
At times I still think I can spot you in the crowd

Every step I take, you used to lead the way
And now I'm terrified to face it on my own

You're not there
To celebrate the man that you made
You're not there
To share in my success and mistakes
Is it fair?
You'll never know the person I'll be
You're not there
With me

Time can heal your wounds if you're strong and standing tall
I've been doing all of that, it didn't help at all
They say, "You'll grow older, and it'll get better still"
Yes, I will, but no, it won't
They don't get it's cause

You're not there
To celebrate the man that you made
You're not there
To share in my success and mistakes
Is it fair?
You'll never know the person I'll be
You're not there
With me

(You're not there there there
You're not there there there
You're not there there there
You're not there there there)