Music is my Therapy

Song: Michael in the Bathroom Artist: From, Be More Chill I literally found this song in the comment section of a Waving Through A Window video on youtube. And I'm so glad I did because it totally describes me. I have vivid memories of a time when I used to use the bathroom as a hiding place. A safe zone. To be away. To panic. I still do sometimes. Some of the lyrics in this song are just ..... perfect. Some are not super appropriate and I don't agree nor condone some of the content (i.e. drinking beer, taking weed, watching porn and being a stoner). But the message of this song is just too perfect for a socially anxious, depressed person like myself to pass by without being affected by it. Also, the last few words of this song are so darn relateable. " All you know about me is my name." That's pretty much all anyone knows about me. Because that's all I allow them to know. And all they seem to care to know. I am hanging in the bathroom at the bigge...

Song: This Is Me Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman This is me. Take it or leave it. I am who I am. I need to embrace who I am fully. I need to be proud of it. I need to own it. No more feeling ashamed. No more wishing and dreaming about meeting a friend or a boyfriend or whatever. It's time to do it. Go out there, let the world see you. Let them get to know you. Let your own, unique light and talents shine! Share goodness. You have something to offer that no one else does. " You are you. That's truer than true. There's no one alive who is you-er than you!" Embrace that. Accept that. Live that. Be your best self. Be your true self. SHINE! I'm not a stranger to the dark Hide away, they say 'Cause we don't want your broken parts I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars Run away, they say No one will love you as you are But I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious ...

Song: From Now On Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman And so tomorrow the "scary" thing begins. Right now, I'm actually feeling incredibly calm. But I know it's only the calm before the storm. All week I've thinking about what's going to happen tomorrow. It's been a constant, nagging thought that's always at the back of my mind. I thought this song was appropriate for today because I am set on doing this! This "scary thing." "From now on w hat's waited till tomorrow starts tonight." - I've waited a looooong time to do this. To take that first step to change. To begin. To start finding something to live and work for. "Let this promise in me start like an anthem in my heart. From now on.  From now on!"  - Time after time, year after year, I've promised myself that things would change. Now, that promise is about to start! And I hope to have the courage to pursue it and make it be an "anthem in my hea...

Song: Rewrite the Stars Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman And we're back with more Greatest Showman tunes! This is the "love song" of the film. I like it. I wouldn't say it's my favorite song on the album but the more I've listened to it, the more I've come to appreciate and enjoy it. It's definitely catchy. And cute. And Zac Efron has some serious Troy Bolton vibes going on :) It makes my 12 year old heart secretly happy, lol. High School Musical will always be the reason Zac Efron ever made it big. And he better never forget it! And on a more personal note, I hope to "rewrite the stars" on my own personal journey this year. Change the pattern of loneliness, isolation, fear, gloom, shame, etc. that I feel. I want this year to be filled with positive change, friendship, courage, pride and acceptance for who I am. I want to embrace my own, unique talents, personality and abilities. Create a new constellation of stars and let them SHINE!...

Song: Stressed Out Artist: Twenty-One Pilots ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! Can you tell I'm feeling a little "stressed out" right now!?!?!? This "new adventure" and "big change" is already getting off on a shaky foot. I let my emotions get the best of me. I quit. For a little bit. There's always tomorrow (and the rest of today). I have until Wednesday night to get everything finished (then the real stress begins! Oh joy). I pray that by Thursday evening I will be feeling a lot less stressed and be able to go through with everything I have to go through with. I hope I can truly "fake it til I make it." I hope I can feel some kind of peace and strength in knowing that this is what's good for me. WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO HARD!!! Also, I can't believe I have never posted this song!! This has literally been the theme song to my LIFE since I first heard it! The lyrics are amazing and soooooo relateable. Favorite lines below...

Song: Lord, I Would Follow Thee Artist: LDS Hymnbook,  I have to put every ounce of faith and trust I have in my Lord Jesus Christ and go through with it. It's all I can do. My mind is going crazy, wanting with every fiber of my brain's soul to back out and run away. Hide. This is uncomfortable. It's hard. It's going to take all my effort, time and attention. This is scary. This is new. This is different. I could come up with every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn't or can't do this. I'm too old, not smart enough, not good enough, not ready, etc. Instead of putting energy into my doubt and fear, I'm going to put everything I have into my faith and say "Lord, I WILL follow Thee." I feel this is right. Despite what I think and what my mind is trying to convince me of, I feel like this is the Lord's plan for me. And I want to follow it. Because I want to follow Him. Savior, may I learn to love thee, Walk the path that thou h...

Song: End of the Line Artist: Hanson You get a break from The Greatest Showman  today! I'm just feeling sad because the holidays have officially ended. Everyone's going back to "reality." And I'm starting a new chapter in my life that's exciting but that's also going to be extremely hard and scary for me. I've gotten used to being lazy and living life by my own pace. No commitments. Not too much work. Just whatever I have felt like doing. That way of living has never made me happy. In fact, it's probably why I'm so sad and depressed all of the time. Now, it's time to live. It's time to work. And work hard. It's time to find who I am, to find my calling in life, to live outside of my self and find joy in doing so! This song really has nothing to do with feeling sad that you've reached the end of a vacation, but I wanted a song that talked about something coming to an "end" and this song came to mind. Honesty dis...