Music is my Therapy

Song: Michael in the Bathroom Artist: From, Be More Chill I literally found this song in the comment section of a Waving Through A Window video on youtube. And I'm so glad I did because it totally describes me. I have vivid memories of a time when I used to use the bathroom as a hiding place. A safe zone. To be away. To panic. I still do sometimes. Some of the lyrics in this song are just ..... perfect. Some are not super appropriate and I don't agree nor condone some of the content (i.e. drinking beer, taking weed, watching porn and being a stoner). But the message of this song is just too perfect for a socially anxious, depressed person like myself to pass by without being affected by it. Also, the last few words of this song are so darn relateable. " All you know about me is my name." That's pretty much all anyone knows about me. Because that's all I allow them to know. And all they seem to care to know. I am hanging in the bathroom at the bigge...

Song: This Is Me Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman This is me. Take it or leave it. I am who I am. I need to embrace who I am fully. I need to be proud of it. I need to own it. No more feeling ashamed. No more wishing and dreaming about meeting a friend or a boyfriend or whatever. It's time to do it. Go out there, let the world see you. Let them get to know you. Let your own, unique light and talents shine! Share goodness. You have something to offer that no one else does. " You are you. That's truer than true. There's no one alive who is you-er than you!" Embrace that. Accept that. Live that. Be your best self. Be your true self. SHINE! I'm not a stranger to the dark Hide away, they say 'Cause we don't want your broken parts I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars Run away, they say No one will love you as you are But I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious ...

Song: From Now On Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman And so tomorrow the "scary" thing begins. Right now, I'm actually feeling incredibly calm. But I know it's only the calm before the storm. All week I've thinking about what's going to happen tomorrow. It's been a constant, nagging thought that's always at the back of my mind. I thought this song was appropriate for today because I am set on doing this! This "scary thing." "From now on w hat's waited till tomorrow starts tonight." - I've waited a looooong time to do this. To take that first step to change. To begin. To start finding something to live and work for. "Let this promise in me start like an anthem in my heart. From now on.  From now on!"  - Time after time, year after year, I've promised myself that things would change. Now, that promise is about to start! And I hope to have the courage to pursue it and make it be an "anthem in my hea...

Song: Rewrite the Stars Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman And we're back with more Greatest Showman tunes! This is the "love song" of the film. I like it. I wouldn't say it's my favorite song on the album but the more I've listened to it, the more I've come to appreciate and enjoy it. It's definitely catchy. And cute. And Zac Efron has some serious Troy Bolton vibes going on :) It makes my 12 year old heart secretly happy, lol. High School Musical will always be the reason Zac Efron ever made it big. And he better never forget it! And on a more personal note, I hope to "rewrite the stars" on my own personal journey this year. Change the pattern of loneliness, isolation, fear, gloom, shame, etc. that I feel. I want this year to be filled with positive change, friendship, courage, pride and acceptance for who I am. I want to embrace my own, unique talents, personality and abilities. Create a new constellation of stars and let them SHINE!...

Song: Stressed Out Artist: Twenty-One Pilots ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! Can you tell I'm feeling a little "stressed out" right now!?!?!? This "new adventure" and "big change" is already getting off on a shaky foot. I let my emotions get the best of me. I quit. For a little bit. There's always tomorrow (and the rest of today). I have until Wednesday night to get everything finished (then the real stress begins! Oh joy). I pray that by Thursday evening I will be feeling a lot less stressed and be able to go through with everything I have to go through with. I hope I can truly "fake it til I make it." I hope I can feel some kind of peace and strength in knowing that this is what's good for me. WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO HARD!!! Also, I can't believe I have never posted this song!! This has literally been the theme song to my LIFE since I first heard it! The lyrics are amazing and soooooo relateable. Favorite lines below...

Song: Lord, I Would Follow Thee Artist: LDS Hymnbook,  I have to put every ounce of faith and trust I have in my Lord Jesus Christ and go through with it. It's all I can do. My mind is going crazy, wanting with every fiber of my brain's soul to back out and run away. Hide. This is uncomfortable. It's hard. It's going to take all my effort, time and attention. This is scary. This is new. This is different. I could come up with every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn't or can't do this. I'm too old, not smart enough, not good enough, not ready, etc. Instead of putting energy into my doubt and fear, I'm going to put everything I have into my faith and say "Lord, I WILL follow Thee." I feel this is right. Despite what I think and what my mind is trying to convince me of, I feel like this is the Lord's plan for me. And I want to follow it. Because I want to follow Him. Savior, may I learn to love thee, Walk the path that thou h...

Song: End of the Line Artist: Hanson You get a break from The Greatest Showman  today! I'm just feeling sad because the holidays have officially ended. Everyone's going back to "reality." And I'm starting a new chapter in my life that's exciting but that's also going to be extremely hard and scary for me. I've gotten used to being lazy and living life by my own pace. No commitments. Not too much work. Just whatever I have felt like doing. That way of living has never made me happy. In fact, it's probably why I'm so sad and depressed all of the time. Now, it's time to live. It's time to work. And work hard. It's time to find who I am, to find my calling in life, to live outside of my self and find joy in doing so! This song really has nothing to do with feeling sad that you've reached the end of a vacation, but I wanted a song that talked about something coming to an "end" and this song came to mind. Honesty dis...

Song: Tightrope Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman Yup. It's another song from the amazing Greatest Showman soundtrack! This song doesn't necessarily have any strong, personal connection to my life, I just really like it! It's cute. It reminds me of a Mindy Gledhill song a little bit. The style and the metaphorical use of the tightrope. Some people long for a life that is simple and planned Tied with a ribbon Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land To follow what's written But I'd follow you to the great unknown Off to a world we call our own Hand in my hand And we promised to never let go We're walking the tightrope High in the sky We can see the whole world down below We're walking the tightrope Never sure, never know how far we could fall But it's all an adventure That comes with a breathtaking view Walking the tightrope With you... Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between Desert and ...

Song: Come Alive Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman OK, I take back what I said in that first post regarding this movie .....I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! Not "like," LOVE! And the music is the only thing I want to listen to lately. Every. Single. Day. I literally tried listening to something else while I was out walking the other day and I couldn't get myself to get through it (and it was Hanson! ). Anyway, another amazing, amazing song that not only is inspiring but fits my life and current situation perfectly. "You stumble through your days, g ot your head hung low y our skies are a shade of grey." - Yup, that sounds like me!  "'Cause you're just a dead man walking, think of that your only option. But you can flip the switch and  brighten up your darkest day. Sun is up and the color's blinding, take the world and redefine it. Leave behind your narrow mind you'll never be the same."  - Perfection. Every word. Leave behind your nar...

Song: A Million Dreams Artist: From,  The Greatest Showman I love this song!! It inspires me to dream big and believe in those dreams! This was one of the main themes I have come to love and appreciate about this movie so much. It was this belief in the crazy, the "out there," the unknown that Hugh Jackman's character portrayed so well. This amazing ability to push through all of the negativity and doubt. The things people thought were too wild and believed would never work. Confidence in your own, unique ability to see something more. To believe that your dreams will come true. To believe that the work and the process and the effort will all be worth it. I just love that theme of belief in one's self. And this song is so sweet and captures that message so wonderfully! And the little boy singing is incredibly talented and adorable! I close my eyes and I can see The world that's waiting up for me That I call my own Through the dark, through the door Throug...

Song: The Other Side Artist: From, The Greatest Showman I got to see this movie the other day (actually, I saw it a whole year ago in 2017;). I have mixed emotions about it. I honestly wasn't sure how much I actually liked it when I first saw it. I loved Hugh Jackman, he was brilliant! And I liked his family, they were darling. The movie moved along at a pretty fast pace and the "romantic" story line was terrible! There was no development between the two "love interests." They were just suddenly "in love." But the more I have thought about it and listened to the music since watching, I have decided for the most part, I really enjoyed this film. I may need to see it a second time, but the overall message of this movie is inspiring. Be yourself. Embrace who you are. Take a risk, follow your dreams, don't give up. Anyway, this is one of my favorite songs from the film. I like the overall sound and melody to the song and it was a fun scene in the ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 2018!!! How did this happen!? How are we here!? I have had very mixed feeling about this pending "New Year." There are some decisions coming up that have to be made ASAP that have me feeling very anxious and overwhelmed. These are truly life-changing decisions that can completely alter the course of my life. My anxiety and fear of the change and the unknown are really starting to get to me. Things (that I have known about for a while now) are rapidly approaching and I am TERRIFIED !! I don't know if I can go through with them. Ugh! I HATE BEING AFRAID!!!! This "New Year" is not getting off on the right foot :( I already had an uncomfortable and discouraging conversation that made me want to go to a dark place and have dark thoughts. This is too hard. I'm DONE . I don't want to think and feel that way, but sometimes I just can't help it. Anyway, sorry for the anxious ranting, I just can't shut my brain and racing though...