Music is my Therapy

Song: Tears and Rain Artist: James Blunt   My heart still hurts. I don't know how long it's going to take to heal. To ever fully recover. I think I've cried all of my tears. I literally have nothing left. I just feel numb. I feel so lost. And confused. And more alone than ever. If I thought I was lonely before, I was only fooling myself. This is the worst. I honestly don't know if I will ever be happy. My faith is dangerously low.   I love this song. It's perfect for my current mood. My mood feels exactly like "tears and rain."  I'm so sad. And so lost. Will things ever change? Can I ever find peace? From my mind? From my anxieties? From my depression? I honestly don't know.   "Find comfort in pain....I'm so cold from fear."     How I wish I could surrender my soul; Shed the clothes that become my skin; See the liar that burns within my needing. How I wish I'd chosen darkness f...

Song: Song For The Broken Hearted Artist: Lee Carr   My heart is broken. I just lost more people. People who are more precious and dear to my heart then I ever imagined they could be. It happened so fast. It came out of nowhere. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. My heart hurts more than I can adequately describe. Everything is going to change and be different now. I was not expecting this. Why does this keep happening!? Why do I keep losing people who I love so much and who actually love me back!? I need them! I can't lose them!! I LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH!!! This is not what I was expecting. This is not how I thought it would end. This isn't what was supposed to happen. This can't be the end. It can't be over. It just....can't. :`(   I know this song is about a romantic relationship and the relationships I am referring to are not but it's still an appropriate choice and adequately describes my current feelings and ...

Song: Naked Artist: Goo Goo Dolls Theme song of my life right now. Describes how I'm feeling to a tee. I wish I wasn't me. I wish I didn't exist. I hate who I am. I hate that I'm always afraid. That I allow my fear to win time and time again. That I've missed out on so many opportunities and I'm wasting my life!! I hate that I can't seem to change. (This is the only version I can find with the youtube link :/ Not my favorite. Click HERE for the studio album version. It's better. And more effectively conveys my emotions and attachment to the song) Yeah I'm fadin' and I call out  Never been, never felt, never thought I'd say a word Yeah I'm fadin' and I call out No one hears me Never been, never felt, never thought I'd say a word Weighed down Safe now You're naked inside your fear  You can't take back all...

Song: September Artist: Earth, Wind & Fire   HAPPY SEPTEMBER 21ST!!!   Hahaha, you have no idea how excited I am to be posting this song today. It's slightly ridiculous but I don't really care. This song is groovy and fun and what better day to listen to it than in the month of Spetember and on the 21st day of September? There isn't a better day. That's what.   ENJOY!     Do you remember the 21st night of September? Love was changing the minds of pretenders While chasing the clouds away Our hearts were ringing In the key that our souls were singing. As we danced in the night, Remember how the stars stole the night away Ba de ya - say do you remember Ba de ya - dancing in September Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day Ba duda, ba duda, ba duda, badu Ba duda, badu, ba duda, badu Ba duda, badu, ba duda My thoughts are with you Holding hands with your heart to see you Only blue talk and love, Remember how we knew...

Song: Sympathy Artist: Goo Goo Dolls   Wow. What. A. Freaking. Year!!!! This year has been inSAYne!! Definitely more downs than ups. And it's already more than half-way over. And I still feel as lost, stuck and confused as ever. I've gained a little but lost a lot. There is so much change happening in my life and instead of embracing the change and being excited I am screaming for it to STOP! I hate it! I don't want it! It's breaking my heart.   I've known about this song for years, but I never realized how meaningful the lyrics are until now. I shouldn't be too surprised though, the Goo Goo Dolls have some of the most incredible, deep and powerful lyrics ever written. They just seem to get me. This song sums up the way I feel about life and myself right now. It has not been good. That's all I'm gonna say. Having social anxiety, depression and just anxiety in general  SUCKS! I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Music is my best frie...

It's my birthday! And today has been a truly HAPPY day!   I normally dread my birthday . I hate having attention on me. I hate trying to express my gratitude when receiving gifts (I really am grateful, I'm just really terrible at expressing myself and sounding genuine!! I worry people think I'm ungrateful because of it) and I hate getting older!! Haha. But really, no more growing up!! I'm done getting old.    But this year, it was different. And maybe that's because it was on a Sunday and so things were more low-key. But I truly felt really happy and extremely blessed and grateful. I received wonderful gifts and got to eat delicious cake and ice-cream :) That's the most important part of birthdays ;) I feel overwhelmed with love and gratitude from my family and I know I'm so lucky to have them. Each and every one of them. I love them!!   Ok, so BIRTHDAY DEDICATION SONG!   Song: Off The Wall Artist, Michael Jackso...

This is what I needed. This is beautiful. This made me cry. This speaks to me so personally and in so many different ways. Keep going. Don't give up. Not ever. You are needed . You are important. You can do it . Stay Strong.       I watched the video. And then I closed my eyes and just listened to the audio. And that was even more powerful, for me. That is when I was able to visualize and see myself clearly. And listening to the words of encouragement gave me the strength and more importantly the desire to keep going. Keep pushing.