Big Machine

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Song: Big Machine
Artist: Goo Goo Dolls
 
Maybe my depression is worse than I thought....I'm literally wasting my life and nothing seems to make me want to care or change or do anything about it! I'm hiding. I have no motivation. I don't even want to change anymore. I've just given in, given up. Very few things make me genuinely happy. I'm just mad! I'm angry about what happened!! And then I'm numb. And then I get overwhelmingly sad and cry and cry and cry and then I just distract myself from the pain and get on the internet and watch crap or listen to loud music and eat until I feel numb again. Feeling nothing is better than feeling hurt. Then again, doing nothing just makes me more lonely. And being lonely is painful.
 
I just felt a connection to this song the first time I heard it (which was last week about this time) and I've been listening to it obsessively for days.
 
 
 
Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothin's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware

I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting

Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive

And I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you
 
Silly love with all your sins
Wait and stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waitin'
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all a lie
I won't leave what you ain't got

And I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

I'm blind and waiting for you
I'm blind and waiting for you

And I can't believe it's coming true
God, it's good to be alive
I'm still here and waitin' for you
And I can't believe it's coming true
I'm blind and waiting for you

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