A Licensed Driver

I hope! I am currently writing this at 1:28 PM, my test isn't until 4. I'm getting a little more anxious then I was yesterday! I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really times infinity really want to pass!!! I'm so nervous about driving with an instructor! I'm so nervous that I will get too nervous and make stupid little mistakes, or do something wrong and that they won't pass me! I really just want a nice instructor who won't make me feel too anxious. I have to do this! I want to do this! I CAN do this!

 

Ohhhh, wish me luck!!!!

 

 

 

 

Michael Jackson, Keep the Faith

 

 

*UPDATE* 3/1/16 5:35 PM: Well, this was unexpected. I failed. More to come when I know what to say. 

 

*UPDATE* 3/2/16 10:29 AM: I was so upset. I was so hurt. I was so embarrassed. I was so disappointed. I couldn't believe it. I really thought I was going to pass. Ever since I set up the appointment I only felt peace. I prayed every day. I felt so abandoned. How could Heavenly Father allow this to happen? He knows what a struggle this has been for me. He knows what a perfectionist I am and how crushed I would be, and was, if I failed. I could hardly keep the tears in as the driving instructor (he was very nice) told me everything I did wrong and then ultimately told me he couldn't pass me. The worst part was hearing him say that I "seemed confused." That is my BIGGEST insecurity with driving!! Because I do get confused and it's so embarrassing! No matter how many times I try or do something (like driving in reverse) I still get mixed up and confused and mess it up every time! That was such a blow to my confidence. As soon as I walked out I lost it. It was so unfair. Out of everyone in my family, I'm the only one who has failed. I couldn't/didn't understand how to do a three-point turn (even though the instructor did explain it to me at the beginning). I got confused when backing out and I couldn't parallel park. After he told me to move on after attempting to parallel park, I knew it was over at that point. It's still hard for me to think about this without wanting to cry. I was so excited! I was so ready to finally be a licensed driver. I worked myself up thinking of all the places I could go. I could take my brothers to the store or the temple or soccer practice. I could drive to Tulsa next year for Hanson Day. I felt like the day had gone so well up to that point. My walk was good with beautiful weather, a sign! I thought. I read an inspiring conference talk by President Monson. I prayed. I drove to the testing center! And then I failed.

 

I did allow myself to be upset. I cried the whole way home. Thank goodness for dad! He's always so supportive and loving and positive. He did help me feel better. I still had a rough night. I cried a lot. I watched The Bachelor and ate chocolate. I went to bed and cried some more. I just wanted to get this over with! I just wanted this burden to be gone, once and for all! What a waste of $45!

 

But, as I've tried to think through this calmly, I think I've come to understand. Why did Heavenly Father let me fail? Because this life is a test. Maybe he is testing my faith right now. That I won't give up even though this was devastating for me. That I won't doubt His love. Now I've had experience. Now I know what to expect. Now I know what to work on so when I do go take the test again, I'll be ready. I will feel more confident, more in control. I don't doubt God's love. I don't believe He let me down. I don't believe he abandoned me. Because, although I have been angry and sad about all of this, I have also always had a strong sense of peace in my heart since it happened. A comfort. And I know that is God's way of letting me know it's OK. It's His way of telling me that He does love me. And believes in me. And knows that I can do this, I just have to try again. And that's OK. He's not disappointed or ashamed of me. He doesn't think I'm a failure. I just really do need to "keep the faith" and try again. And not give up. Because He's not giving up on me. Dad isn't giving up on me. And neither will I. I can now say, I am thankful for this experience. It's another learning and growing experience in my life. My faith has only been increased. It's another lesson I won't forget. And I'm thankful. 

 

I found a lot of peace through this song. Sometimes God does have us wait. Or tells us Not yet. He needs us just to have a little more faith and to trust him and in his timing. But it's all for our good and our learning and our understanding. I understand that now.

 

"....peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." - D&C 121:7

 

 

A little boy at the end of a day knelt by his bed to say a prayer
And Father up in Heaven heard the prayer he prayed
And listened to each word with greatest care

 

The boy said,
"Please bless that tomorrow I won't have to take a bath,
And bless that they will cancel school for snow."

And God had the power to protect him and never let him grow
But He said, "No."

 

A young man was holding tightly to the hand of a girl who had to say  goodbye

And as she walked away he had to whisper a prayer
As he fought every tear that filled his eyes

 

He whispered,
"Please can you make her turn around and change her mind?
It's the deepest hurt that I have ever known."

 

And God had the power to protect him and never let him grow
But He said, "No."

 

And there are yeses that our father can hardly wait to give
And they are packed in every crevice of the lives we live
Sometimes God will pour down miracles and amazing twists of fate
And other times He chooses just to whisper, "Wait."

 

How many times have I prayed for blue skies
So no one has to cancel the game
And I feel so abandoned when the sky gets dark
Never knowing all the ones who prayed for rain

 

And usually the story's even trickier than this
With solutions that only God could know 

 But if you ask Him if He's ever overlooked you
Or ceased to love you so
He'll say, "No."